.

Every year will be better than the last.

2011-01-01T02:44:00.001+08:00

It's 2011. A brand new start. And so with this year which I hope will be great, I going to try to come clean to put whatever happened in 2010 in a trunk labelled "2010." One of the peaks of this roller coaster year was experiencing what those crazy people call "love." It was one of the experiences of my life that I would never forget, yet I promise to put behind me, because moving on is important, I know that now. haha. And so, for me to be able to finish everything, I'll post this blog I wrote monthsss ago when I was at the peak of this "experience." Let this be the "once upon a time in 2010" story of my life, and hope that It will indeed be happening once, and only in that time only.

"The Script"

I need you to tell me something.

I need you to tell me to stop falling for you.

I need you to tell me that what I'm doing is stupid, pointless, and that it won't be heading for anything good.

It started 2 years ago. I thought that you were already it. I wasn't ready to tell you yet but I knew, and I kinda hoped that you were reciprocating the feeling. You never knew how happy I was everytime we were together in that court, everytime you slept on my shoulder on the way home after every practice. I thought that you were also feeling something. But then naging kayo, and I realized that it was all just my mind playing with me. So I stopped myself right there, and just became a friend.

I stopped thinking of the feeling, and until recently, I thought I was doing a good job at it.

When you started asking me for advice on the two of you, I gave you advice that was really better for the both you, but I couldn't deny that hearing those stuff from you kind of sparked hope from the feeling that I was trying to bury. Since then, I was again always the happiest, most inspired person I never thought I could have been. Tanungin mo pa classmates ko, pati sila nasabi na parang, yun na nga, in love daw ako. I was always happy kahit minsan lang tayo magkasama, kahit internet was where we could talk and chat. I admit trying to make simple hirits para magpalakas. That day when we planned to meet sa school kasi you had to talk to him, I was psyched. Not because may something nanaman kayo, but simply because I could be with you again. I even thought of confessing to you then, but I did not want to be too opportunistic. I knew you were going through some tough times, and I still wanted to be a comforting friend. Ang oa ko noh, I agreed to spend time with you while you were waiting for him. Those flowers? Oo, siguro aside from the program part of that event, may hirit din siguro yung kasama, but it was all because I thought you deserved it. Para mapasaya ka, 'cause you always shared sad stuff whenever we were online.

I was so into this wonderful picture of you and me being together, because I never felt this before. No other person made me feel this way before. No other person kept me up for hours in my bed at night, thinking about the things that could be If we were together. No one else got me excited to go online, to watch a movie, to just simply talk. Check out my other posts. I said before that lovelife wasn't really my focus in life, so it must take something very strong to draw me in, and you gave me that, you drew me in, and so here I am. Ikaw pa lang ang nagbigay sakin ng ganito, that's why I believed this feeling very much.

I was stupid for thinking na baka pwede pa, baka may chance pa.

I was evil and selfish for thinking that way. Sorry.

Lately, thanks to a friend, I got to realize that maybe you two will really be together. Both of you weren't allowed to enter in a relationship, yet you still stayed together, so maybe kayo na nga talaga. So I opened my eyes. I stopped and looked at the more realistic picture. Oo, wow you two are really strong. You were really fighting. Who am I to try to stop that. Ang gago ko naman.

And so I'm ending it. I'm ending this thing I started with myself. I'm trying to end all these feelings I felt. It may be the first strongest feeling that I ever felt, but maybe not all first ones are meant to be the ones. Maybe I was so into this illusion that I could have a chance with someone who is still in a relationship. Stupid. I want to stop this and move on. I want to get over you.

Pero I can't.

I can't because I'm bothered by all this not telling you, and all the maybe's and what if's that keeps on bothering me. Believe me, I've been trying like hell to forget everything by myself, but it's just no use. I know what you would answer if ever I asked you yet, I still get bothered by all the possibilities that I dream of. Para bang my other feet is in reality while the other is still stuck in my fantasy.

That is why I need it to come from you. Maybe if you told it right to my face, then it would all sink in. All these fantasies I have would be gone once and for all. Baka yun lang ang kailangan ko para matauhan.

I'm not telling you all these para manggulo sa inyo, para lituhin ka. Alam ko talaga na you're his already. I'm sorry if I'm being such a bother to your life right now. I'm being selfish for dragging you into my problems. Pero it seems that you're the only solution to this dilemma I'm facing. I could completely disappear from you after this if you want to, just to prove that making your life miserable isn't what I was aiming for. I would even love to be still be your friend.

I just need your help to help me get over you. Please, help me?

Happy 2011. Lets Move. Move on. :)

in not more than 27 words..

2010-11-22T23:57:00.003+08:00

There are so many thing happening, and I can't seem to take a grasp of any of those things. Biolympics, Bioweek, Smugs, medschool, NMAT, friends. HELP ME.

It's been a while...again.

2010-10-26T01:30:00.003+08:00

It's been quite a while since I posted anything here. And to makeup for that I'm gonna use this 10-day challenge to fill this blog up. :)

The Ten-Day Challenge

Rules of the game: just follow what it says.

Day 01: 10 things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day 02: 9 things about yourself.

Day 03: 8 ways to win your heart.

Day 04: 7 things that cross your mind a lot.

Day 05: 6 things you wish you'd never done.

Day 06: 5 people who mean a lot to you(in no order whatsoever)

Day 07: 4 things that turn you off.

Day 08: 3 things that turn you on.

Day 09: 2 smileys that describe your life right now.

Day 10: 1 confession. here goes on day

So here goes Day 1:

1. I just realized kanina, when we were saying our goodbyes sa airport, kung how much I[and many others too, i'm sure] am going to miss you. There will always be something missing na during LWG's and YE weekends and other activities. It's really going to be different without you here. More than everything, I think what I'm really going to miss is having someone to give a big hug to everytime we meet, just to comfort each other from the things na napaguusapan natin sa YM. I never thought that I would be able to share this part of my life with someone sa YE, but I have, and I've never been happier because of that. Someone understands me and listens to me. I know we'll always be able to talk sa ym or sa net, pro that it wouldn't be complete without that BIG HUG. I hope we'll still see each other soon. Thanks for everything bro.

2. My dearest girlfriend, I miss you too. I'm really sorry that I'm always too busy already. I wish we had those coffee moments again, specially now. That story I told you that night sa Kopi, all the complications I have been feeling because of that story, I'm feeling them again. I wish I could have you to listen to me again, grabe talaga. tsk. We'll find time, pramis. See you.

3. I'm still missing you. I had another dream of you just a few weeks back. It all seemed so real again. You were actually alive, but forgot all about us, and was already living as another person. I didn't know how to feel during that dream. I was kinda happy because you were there, you were alive, and I was able to hug you again. Yet, it was also depressing because you didn't remember me, you didn't remember us. I wanted to cry when I woke up, but I was not in my own room. I was in Manila, and I guess waking up crying would freak out my roommates. Hehe. I still miss you though. All the things I didn't get to do with you. Still hurts like hell that you had to leave. And it's been what, 5 years? It never gets any better, but I believe you're just there. PLEASE just be there, I need you. I love you.

4. Sembreak Girlfriend! Again, I just want to thank you for accomodating us in Your humble abode sa Katips when we where there, we apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused you, like destroying your sleeping schedule. :)) I guess I actually did miss you, because I couldn't wait to have an alone-time with you during our stay there para makipagkwentuhan, and I guess the only time we were actually able to do that was during sa Papu's, when I told you MY STORY. Hahaha. Shock ka noh? Ako rin, don't worry. :)) Let's see each other soon. Parthae. :)

5. SALAMAT SA LIBRENG SPAGHETTI KANINA. HAHAHAHA. WHAT HUNGRY PEOPLE WOULD BE WILLING TO DO JUST TO EAT.

6. I consider you three girls as one, so here it goes: I MISS YOUR NOISE!! Hahaha. You taught me the most of college-real-life stuff that I now know. I don't even know if that's a good thing, hahaha, but I guess I have to thank you three for it. SEMBREAK NA! Let's party while you're all here pa. woot!

7. Hahaha. This one's so random, pero it sometimes pops in my mind, that if ever I would see you again, and be able to actually talk, sasabihin ko dapat sayo na we should try to forget what happened in the super-layong past na. Hahaha. I just realized lang kasi na pangit yung may maremember akong ugly memory, grade school pa man din yun. hahaha. Wala lang. I don't want to be friends, sabihin lang na forget na, and then kunyari di na tayo magkakilala. hahahaha. lol.

8. You Ms-Gym-Rarejob-Laag-kahit-unemployed ka na! Hahaha. Siyempre ilalagay kita dito, kasi you're one of the very few who actually read my blog. Hahaha. Since, emo na lahat nasulat ko dito, why stop with you? hahaha. I just thought, we're friends na for almost 6 years na! Tama ba? haha. I'm really grateful na friends forever tayo masyado. dami benefits sayo. joke! hahaha. Sabi nga ni momi, para na daw tayo magkakapatid. lol. Thanks for the everlasting friendship ha? We've been through so much already, hope we can still go through more. CHAR. haha.

9. Hey you. Long time no talk. Pagkita, meron nmn, its more of tabis. hahaha. Here's the real deal. You know you were always one of my bestfriends. You were, after all, the one who I shared most of my life to, 1st year pa lang, and you were always ready to listen, or read, more likely. We've been through so many ups and downs, emphasis on DOWNS, we both know that, and what happened recently was just, I guess, napagod lang ako sa kakadeal with all the DOWNS, and that most recent one just kind of really broke me down and that's why I kind of gave up on you. I forgave you, when you asked for it, and I honestly am very sorry too, If I have been kind of harsh in some of the times. I forgave you and I'm sorry too, but I think I needed to recuperate from all those downs na lagi nalang anjan, that I had to choose to not talk nalang muna. I wouldn't want to leave college with any unfixed problems, specially with those closest to me, so if it's ok for us to talk again, I would really love to do so myself, because honestly, I miss you. [Hey no. 8, maybe you could tell no.9 to read this, pagnakapagusap kayo. hehehe. And don't you dare make kantsyaw2 after you read this! hahaha]

10. Gawd. Ikaw na, ikaw na talaga. I thought I had been over you ages ago. But then eto nanaman. Tsk. How da heck do I do this? Can you help me? I can't even make this message to you long na, since everything I've been wanting to say is already in so many of my posts here. Ayaw ko na magpabalik2. Pero, I might just be saving up my real message for a latter part of this challenge. ;)

1 down, 9 to go. :D

this feeling again. :)

2010-06-05T23:48:00.002+08:00

After a well-prayed for discernment session kanina for the new tricord of YE, and a gratitude speech from the outgoing tricord, I felt yet again another great touching of the Spirit that really raised my spirits. I was even feeling depressed and burdened my certain issues again during the discernment period, being stressed by these oppresions. Yet, in the end, He still managed to take it all away and replace it with something so great and positive. Thank You.

When the three mentioned how long they've been in the ministry, and how much they have learned from it, I realized how much this community has done for me too. I've learned so much, been through so many with the people from here, and practically grew up with these guys. All the experiences are just so memorable and life changing. Last thing I remember, I was just the young shy boy who thought he would never find his place in this group, now I can laugh and fool around with them, and the greatest thing about it was, I've come to love Him more than ever, and it just grows and grows the more I experience Him in all of our events.

I guess part of all these sentimentality I'm having right now is me realizing how fast time passes by. I just realized that this is already my last year in college, and if ever I don't study medicine here in Davao, I may not have the chance to spend so much time with YE already. I just can't imagine how I would be without them, they practically keep me sane, specially when the problems I have are these "unshareable" self issues. Now I don't want to go out of Davao for medicine already. argh. I hope I get to serve Him to the most and to the best that I can this year, sulitin na natin Bro, baka 'di na tulad ng ganito next year. Haha.

Anyway, I think that's all I want to say for now. I just really feel so happy and thankful for this community God gave me. Thank God for showing me how much He loves me through this community, another one of His great gifts for me. I feel so loved right now, and I just wanna share the same feeling. :) Slamat.

To clear things out.

2010-04-01T01:11:00.004+08:00

Just to make it all clear? [Not being defensive, although I already sound like it.]

Di ako Emo.

I have my fair share of happy, inspiring, life-changing moments. Even more than all these fuss I rant about here.

It just to so happens that I get to share my feelings about those happy moments so publicly and openly, and I don't need another outlet to let out all those amazing feelings I have.

These stuff, however, are not really the type of thing that you blurt out to anyone, at any ordinary day, don't think you think? That's why I have this blog, and that is the purpose of this blog, to allow me to express stuff I normally don't.

Di ako Emo. Naman. I have my friends, why would I be Emo? :D

Every year will be better than the last.

2010-03-31T00:42:00.008+08:00

Give me the reason I need.

2010-02-25T01:23:00.004+08:00

can you promise me not to get mad if I told you?

I'm not telling you this to try to make any scandal or to try to mess up your life. I've been trying to get over this myself para wala nang madamay. I want to let it go already, kasi I realized the hopelessness of the situation. I'm already being a fool believing in my fantasies more than the realities. That's why I'm telling you this.

I want to just let it out once and for all, so you can tell it right to my face, that I need to stop. I really just need a real reason to do so, since my own reasons are not strong enough for me to believe in.

Please, sana makita mo na. Wala na akong pakialam kung sa anong paraan mo man malaman, basta makita mo na, kaya pagnagkausap na tayo, 'di na kasinghirap ipaliwanag sayo ang mga bagay2.

Gusto ko nang magpaalam, pero ayaw ko na magkalayo tayo. Pano ba to.

tsk.

[halata bang wla nang organization ang mga sinasabi ko? haha. basta malabas nalang ang nais ko.]

late nights and mood swings

2010-02-18T00:11:00.002+08:00

today was a good day. Not too much stress, but fun. It was actually a very happy day.

So how come at these late nights, things seem to get very serious for me? All the harsh realities that I left unthought of at the day stack up and hit me hard. This is probably, which is why I tend to write most of my blogs at night.

It's been four years already, things should have already felt so much better, so why is this not anything like that at all? The only thing I still wish to see is you standing by my side, or watching tv with me, or just sleeping right beside me, like you always did. The dreams I have of you still end with wet eyes and gloomy mornings. I miss you. It would've been better to with you again, especially in this part of my life, where the issues I'm experiencing are the ones that I could use your advice the most. Be in my dreams tonight, will you?

I don't know what to feel anymore. I want to leave this feeling already, because it seems like this is going nowhere. Yet, whenever I try to do just that, the image of you being mine just seems to overpower. It's funny how this time, fantasy seems to ALWAYS overpower reality, when I have always been more of the realistic person. Grabe na siguro talaga 'tong nararamdaman ko. Can you just give me a sign whether I should take this rough road for you, or if it's not worth taking after all. Please, show me.

What's wrong with me. I was always able to pull things like these off, no matter how crammed I was. I don't know why my brain works like it does already. Please, huwag na sana. isang taon nalang o, hayaan niyo na akong magkaroon ng malinis na record. Inspiration, where are you? Show yourself. Tabang.

this time it's for real.

2010-01-29T21:54:00.003+08:00

For almost the whole time of my grown-up life, I never spent too much time thinking about love. You know, "love" love. It must have entered my mind every now and then, but the thought of too much complications it might bring always pulled me away from wanting to enter this "world." I just thought it wasn't the time yet. One very strong principle I even had was [and I just remembered saving it in a multiply post]:

"on lovelife: I'm more preoccupied sa mga personal and social issues, kaya di ko mabigyan ng attention yan. It must be very strong siguro if ever ma-feel ko yan. Kasi 'di ko gud hinahanap. It'll take something very strong siguro para makuha ang attention ko. So good luck to whoever that person is."

I would now like to think, that that person has already come. And the funny thing is, she doesn't even know, and she hasn't even made an effort to make me feel that "something very strong" I was saying. The only thing I wish now, is that all these ends up as I hope it would. The situation might not be the easiest, but there's always hope. Yet, if things end up not as I want it to be, then I would just like to say that I'm happy when you are happy. Your smile already brings me contentment, and being with you and your smile forever, would just be a bonus already. ALTHOUGH, it would still be the greatest thing in the world to be with you.

I want you to know that you are special to me. You are treasured, and to be with you is what I want the most. Alam ko mahirap ang sitwasyon, pero my feelig still stands. If it's him, then I'll be praying for your happiness. Whatever happens, you will always be special to me. You were the only one who gave me that "something-very-strong" feeling I'm having. I think, and I say this with my all, that I L.... .........

with a twist.

2009-12-16T21:14:00.003+08:00

I hate those scenes in telenovelas where an important character already dies, but because the other characters cry hard enough, and realizes a lot of stuff, and gets a lot of flashbacks, the dying character gets to live again. Wala lang. It makes me bitter. Didn't we cry hard enough that night?

Anyway, that wasn't the point of this post. Nights ago, I had another dream. I think this dream might have been a result of too much zombie games on my PC. Prototype, Resident evil, Left 4 Dead, and Plants vs zombies had been pretty much what I had been playing since I got my hands on this PC.

Zombies were real. They were in the city already. They were in our village, and they were already attacking our house. My family was trapped inside, and none of us really knew what to do. We were just watching them fight their way into their house, like we were waiting for own doom.

At this point of my dream, I was really feeling scared as well, but it was like part of me knew it was a dream. It was like I knew that it was a dream, yet I was still scared as hell.

Here comes the twist.

Amidst all of our panicking, someone went out of one the rooms to see what we were all worrying about. It was like he was there all along. My dad, in his usual home clothes, went out of the room to see what we were doing.

Right when I saw him, the part of me who knew that it was a dream just overpowered my frightened self. I knew, for a fact, that he was already gone. Yet, he was there, standing among us, like he had always been there all along.

Immediately, when I saw him, tears started flowing out of my eyes, as if they were already welling up for a while already. I cried hard and I ran to him, and hugged him as hard as I could, as I cried heavily on his shoulder. He hugged back, and made me miss him even more than ever. I had been waiting for this dream for a long time already, since the last one I had. I did not want this to end already. I think this was the hardest that I cried my whole life. I was already breathing very hard already [you know how it feels like you're already hyperventilating when you cry really hard] while I was in his arms, not wanting to let go at all. My heavy breathing seemed to get so hard already, that I woke up, still catching my breath, with tears in my eyes.

These dreams are kind of bad and good for me. I don't want them to end because they're the only way I get to be with my dad. Yet, they also make me miss him more. It's not that I don't want to miss him, thinking of him brings back all the sad feelings I had when I first saw him on the hospital bed.

I miss you. I hope I see you again soon.

hmm..

2009-12-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

I just saw this picture on facebook. It made me smile. thought I'd share it. XD hahahaha.

Here's something new

2009-11-10T19:56:00.004+08:00

I missed my first class on the first day of class. Great. My first class was at 7am in the morning. I was quite pissed because I deliberately went to sleep early last night [yes, sleeping early needs to be planned for me. haha], yet I still wasn't able to wake up early enough. At around 11pm [and yes, 11pm is still early for me. :D] I went to my room already and lied on my bed, turned the lights out and tried to get some sleep. Now here's the odd part of my night.

I found it quite hard to get some sleep. I probably tried every position [that didn't sound right] to get my self to sleep. Something was bothering my mind... but I don't think "bothering" is the right term, because this thing that was entering my mind, I didn't want to be gone ;) , although it's timing was quite bad.

It was some kind of fantasy. Yes, i consider it a fantasy because the more I think of it now, the more I realize that it may not happen, ever.

I thought of the very things I would want say, when I finally get to do so, and the change in my world that would bring, once I spill it all out. The positive answers I would get also came to my mind, as well as the unending bliss this would bring me.

If only I could summon the courage to do this life changing act. I even thought that I should do it, so at the very least, I was able to let known what I thought.

But I'm also a friend. Hence, this act could not be done. Not without hurting someone. I could wait, but I don't think waiting for something miserable to happen would also be a good thing.

Relationships shouldn't be destroyed if I want a new one to be made.

Hey.

2009-11-03T00:47:00.002+08:00

Hey blog. Ü You know something, I actually miss this. God, it's been months since I last logged in to this site. You must have felt neglected back there [at bigla kong binigyan ng sariling buhay ang blog ko. Haha] That's okay. I guess what you feel really reflects on stuff that you do.

The 1st sem already ended. It was done 2 weeks ago, and was I ever thankful that it did end. I was so over feeling lazy but could not and should not because of all the acads. I was just happy to be able to sleep again, oh God I missed sleeping. I also missed feeling relaxed, with no project or exam or paper that had to be finished immediately, although I had a little bit of outline stuff to do. Nonetheless, I was just happy to be able to relax again. I fed every lazy habit of mine this sem break, I thought I earned the right to be lazy. Haha. Yey.

Now sembreaks ending. Enrollment starts tomorrow. I still wanna be able to sleep, I hope I do get enough sleep this sem.

Anyway, there's something bothering me. I don't know why but it doesn't feel good. I think I've been with my family for too long already. I need to go back to school. Too much family = Not Good. Well at least for me, it's not. Haha. You get all these evil thoughts in your head because you get to listen to them talk and rant and do stuff all the time, and most of the time they're stuff you don't care about so it just comes off to you as unnecessary noice. Annoyance.

At least, on the bright side, I now want to go back to school. That's a good thing right? The next problem is that me going school again might be a lazy me again, I hope not. I need inspiration. Again. Haha. Oh well, anything else beats being here all day. Let's go 2nd sem. PART-HAE.

Just to try and end these things up.

2009-09-07T23:28:00.002+08:00

Woah. It's been like forever since my last post. 3 months na ba? Oh well. I've one been living one busy life eh. One MESSED UP busy life. Yup, I'm making this post just for ranting purposes. But aside from that, I hope, recognizing these messed up portions of my life will finally make me fixed, organized, and unLOST. *Sigh*

My life's been a mess lately. I've been happy and smiling, but it's all a mess. It all started around 2 weeks ago. First event, my cellphone got lost during cheerdance practice. Darn you Mr/Ms Cellphone Stealer. You got the charger pa talaga. I won't be the one to pass judgement, Siya na bahala. Grr. After cheerdance, a weekend stay at Manila, supposedly for a short vacation and to celebrate ate's oathtaking. I got sick. Dang. The whole stay was just full of weak, ill feelings, and kawalang-gana sa pagkain, even though I was supposed to be eating my heart out at the party that night. Though, it never really stopped me from meeting friends and going out to malls and stuff. :D Sunday night, I was supposed to go home Tuesday morning cause I had an exam, bad news, the ticket price got higher and Mom didn't want to buy it. I had to miss that exam and have a special exam nalang, which I still haven't taken, so addt'l baggage. Grr. I went home Wednesday morning, for 2 more exams, which I wasn't able to study well because I didn't bring the study material for those exam, cause again, I thought I'd be home by Tuesday, but no. So I just let my crammer side take over again, then I decided to not want to see the result of those exams. :s Friday, I was feeling great. Fieldtrip to Initao, Misamis Oriental. At last, another vacation from killer exams. It was all good, July and I had lots of food, [which we weren't even able to finish, even until we went home] great vanmates, amazing destinations, then at last, when we arrived at our resort, our home for the night, I found out MY WALLET GOT LOST. My money, int'l money, my ID, my DRIVER'S LICENSE[$#%!], and more. T_T Totally world-shattering. I had lots of stuff there. T_T [and I already got over it, but felt the loss again while writing this blog. Dang it.] I was depressed that night, and didn't even eat dinner. [sorry nasali parin pala ako sa kwenta. :D] The next morning, I never knew how to start the day. I didn't have ANY money at all. But, thank Him, I have generous vanmates. :) Yey, naka-bfast pa ako. BUT. back to ranting. haha. While having bfast, moving the tables and stuff, I wounded my toes. It hurt. grr. I was beginning to think that this wasn't much of a lucky day for me. We started going back home before lunch, just in time to eat lunch at Cagayan. I decided to borrow money nalang, since I did not really have any choice at all. It hurt to borrow money which I knew would take a lot from my allowance to pay. tsk3. We ate at LimKetKai, at KFC, where I, having all the bad luck of the world upon me, broke my sunglasses, which I just bought days ago. Yeah, I know it was peke and all, but still, usable siya, so sayang. haha. I really felt that I was nowhere near having a good day. Lastly before having dinner in Valencia on the way home, we got refunds from our bayad sa fieldtrip, so I was happy kasi I had money again, so when we ate dinner, I ate quite a lot. c: But then again, I was never in a good day, I knew that, that's after dinner, we were told that we had to return the refund because of some complications. The refund which I already spent. :| I had to, once again, borrow money. I wanted to die. That was kind of the last part of the unluckiness, but I had to spend the whole trip back home thinking how my Mom would scold me again, and how I had to do a lot of stuff to recover from all those losses.

I was depressed. LAGOT.

I hope this ends. SOON.

No. 18 - CHECK.

2009-06-21T03:11:00.004+08:00

I couldn't even put into words how happy I am right now. I think it's all kinds of happiness na. Haha. Basta, I don't think makakatulog ako ngayon 'till the dawn breaks. That's how happy I am. Right at this moment, [including the moments kanina. haha] I think I love life MORE, I love my family MORE, I love my friends MORE, and I love God MORE than I ever could.

It has been very long since I last had a birthday party. I think my last party dated way back during my grade school days pa. And every birthday, I always wanted to plan a birthday party to celebrate with my friends but I always shrugged off the idea because I just couldn't imagine how I could fit all my friends here sa bahay. [feeling popular eh noh? haha] PLUS, the finances of having a party immediately erases the idea off my mind. Ulaw mangayo'g kwarta, lisod pud mag-ipon ng that much money. I would always just settle with buying food or something for my friends, pra at least mron. :D Haha. Every year talaga, the thought of having a birthday party always enters my mind, pro reality check always comes after. Haha. In short, a party always remained like a sort of 'fantasy' for me.

This night, [as cliche as it may sound] fantasy became a reality.

It may sound very exaggerated, pero with the past birthdays I've had, this one really feels like even more than a cut above the rest. My day, my birthday, was really made when around 50 people, my Youth Ministry family, my UP family, and my Shield family, surprised me when I went home this evening. Everyone was there, with all smiles and singing/shouting a happy birthday song to me, and all I could do was stand and smile to all of them. [that smile was all I could show kanina, but it equated to thousands of smiles and tears of joy inside, mind you. naks. haha.] As in, I was so happy. I kinda expected a surprise something from YM, because of the magaling na texting abilities ni James[peace James! haha. da best ka parin], but I seriously did not think na abot 'to ng party2 level. Haha. OA naman ako kng party2 pa ang i-eexpect ko diba. Haha. I even thought that, whenever those party fantasies from YM came to mind, na 'feel mo na naman masyado'. Haha. Kasi I thought na 'di ka naman 'Pie-level' na relationship with the YM pips.' Haha. [Pie, positive thing yang Pie-level relationship ha. Compliment yan. :D] Yes, seriously. No matter how emo it may sound, it is still factual. Haha. And no January, even if emo yang sinabi ko, it doesn't mean na emo na din ako. Haha. Peace2. Anyway, seriously, that was what I thought. Oo. I was already contented with the cake surprise at the Youth P&W earlier, really. So taking it up to this level was really very happening[maka-happy. joke un. haha]. I honestly think this IS the best birthday I ever had and will ever have, all because everyone was here to celebrate it with me.

I have so much to thank for. I got so much from this birthday that I separated this part from the one above because I know it's gonna take that long. Haha.

I wanna thank my YM family. You have always been the best, you have always been there for me, whether it be the happiest moments of mny life, this one definitely included, or the lowest moments of my life, when my storms are at its rage. You were with me at every moment. Thank you very much. Special thanks to Kuya Mon, for being a very effective shepherd nung YE 10.5, because everything that is changing in me now, I think it started at that time. :] I would never tire of being in this community, knowing I have people like you in it. I entered this community in search of more love, and it was what I got and more. So much more.

I wanna thank my friends, my UP friends and my Shield family. Para kayong Motolite. Pang-matagalan. Haha. Sa UP friends, I'm very happy na lagi kayong game pagkailangan, or kung may something. I was really surprised na nandun kayo, and marami pa talaga kayo. Na-touch naman ako. I really appreciated your efforts to really come and even help in planning this out. July, co-planner ka din pala dito ha. Haha. Salamat! I hope this 'bondage' lasts even after college, kasi you guys are the best. Worthy to be friends. Healthy ang friendship sa inyo. Sa Shield, thanks din for the effort to be here, despite our distant ways with each other. Alam ko effort talaga minsan pagmaglaag2 tayo, but we still make it work, and It's very happening din. Hahaha. Thank you for the unending LMAO-ing moments we share EVERYtime we meet. Makaalis tlaga kayo ng depression, always. Thanks guys, I'm really lucky to have you in my life. You are the greatest gifts I could receive.

Finally, I'd like to thank[eto na] Mommy and Patrice. Thank you for being the devilish minds behind this big surprise. Thank you sa effort in making this party work. I honestly never thought na kayo pa ang magiging the people behind this. Thank you talaga. Kahit mejo nagsungit2 pa ako kanina2, and all the oh-so-many times that I did, you still thought of doing this for me. Mga martyr! Haha. Bitaw, maraming salamat, Kapamilya. ;)

*hingang malalim*

God really hears us. After everything that happened today, that's something that I could say with a voice more confident than ever. God hears our prayers. He works to answer these prayers, and just when you thought of letting go, He holds you, tighter than ever, and you feel it so much, and you think that it's the greatest feeling you'll ever have. To my fellow YE 10.5 graduates, you know what I shared there and you know what has been bothering me for some time now. I am happy to tell you that I felt it, the healing power I've been longing for. I felt God touching me, and He made me realize that there is no need to worry, for there isn't anything wrong. That my eyes were just blinded, and that He is here to make me see clearer than ever. All I can say is, I think things are going to start to change now, and this change is going to be for the better. Thank you for your prayers, they've been a big factor in my own prayers being answered. Thank you very much. Thank you God.

Amen.

[By the way, I got many on my wishlist that needs crushing out already. Yey. Nos. 18,17,15, 5, and 3. And I only asked for at least one. Happening. :) ]

At least 1 out of 19.

2009-06-16T01:13:00.005+08:00

My birthday's coming closer and I'm kinda excited because I think this year I'm gonna celebrate it during a Youth P&W, something I really like doing, so I think this birthday's gonna be a good one. ANYWAY, It's still my birthday and I'm not gonna be plastic by saying I don't want gifts for my birthday because I'm already happy being with my friends. Haha. I still have these very ambitious wishlist of things I wanna have on my birthday. Some may even be very impossible to get. Haha. Nonetheless, they're just wishes lang naman eh. And since it's my 19th birthday, I came up with a list of 19 things I want, not just for my birthday, but as well as for the rest of the days and years to come. :D

1. Hillsong Concert DVDsss
I really love their concerts, in fact, I DREAM of watching a Hillsong concert LIVE.[So you can actually add that to my list. Haha] I don't care where, as long as kaya, why not. :] I just love how everyone is very into the spirit of praising God during those concerts. I can also feel how heavy, how very fulfilling, how high they are feeling while singing those amazing songs of praise. I really love singing along and even raising my hands in praise while watching those Hillsong concerts. :D
2. My very own "Ambush Makeover" Episode
I've always imagined myself being on that show. Plus, all those perks and free makeover the victims, though they're not really victims, are having are really great and could actually be really lifechanging, right? Haha. But seriously, I think my hair needs something new already. I had like two hairstyles palang in my whole life. One sa grade school and the other one during high school, up to now. haha. Oh well, ganyan talaga pagkulot. Haha. Plus, the maraming clothes na binibigay, just great really. AND, siyempre, ung saprise to everyone else after the day. Haha. I always like surprises, wether ako ang ginasurprise, or ako ang magsurprise. haha. Basta, I think a makeover's the only hope for this dreadful look I have. Haha.
3. An 18-inch Yellow Cab Pizza for MYSELF.
Since my 17th birthday, I have been craving and imaging myself, eating one enormous pizza, just by myself, while watching TV, all by myself. I always wanted to achieve that 'dream' [haha. ang babaw.] I know it's kinda gluttonous but It's just one of my crazy ideas that I want to do so bad. Haha.
4. That Knob-thing for the Steering Wheel.
You know that thing that makes turning the steering wheel easier and faster? I want one of those. That's because I get quite lazy while driving sometimes and I like to drive with just one hand, so I think having that contraption on my steering wheel makes life a bit easier for me. :]
5. Clothes from Bench
I have always patronized Bench. Many people know that, specially my UP friends. Haha. I really just like their style of clothings. Simple yet very Statement-y. Basta, yun. :D Ay oo, if you're gonna buy clothes for me there? Please borrow my Lifestyle card pra magamit niyo. Sayang rin yung points. Hahaha.
6. A new sound system for my Volkswagen.
Since I'm gonna start using the Volkswagen when it awakens from its coma, [haha] I hope na meron akong malagay na sound system dun, para 'di masyadong boring ang drives ko on that car. I like singing baya while driving, kasi masaya. Haha.
7. New MemCards for my Phone or PSP
I lost my MemCard for my PSP, and the MemCard for my new phone is just a 128mb card. How poor of me. Help.
8. Chippens PigOut Session
I never forget how good food is sa Chippens, lalo na the desserts. Always the best. That's why I hope I get to reunite with the spoons and forks and plates there once again. We have so much to catch up on. Hahaha.
9. Nikon D60
This was supposed to be the purpose of my another supposed-to-be summer job. But since that summer job was not pursued due to some false-hope giving reasons, what the heck, I'm asking for it as a birthday gift. ALTHOUGH, I highly think it will never be possible. Ako lang ata talaga makakabili nito for myself, since 'di, ever, magiging willing si Momi na magspend ng this much just for me. Haha.
10. Brand New Laptop
Another feelingero na wish. Although I think it's becoming a neccesity already, I don't think I'll get one very soon. Yet, I hope, through a miracle, or whatever, I'm gonna get one, 'cos I really think I need it. I'm a busy person. I have many needs. Haha.
11. A YAMAHA Organ
It's a passion, so why not? Haha. I'm kinda tired of just playing sa piano, which I think already needs tuning. Also, I wanna try to be able to be creative and imaginative with stuff I'm gonna play, and maybe even do some recording IF I get that good. Haha.
12. My first Uno
Yah, I had to resort to making it a birthday wish, in my desperation to get one. Haha. Baka kasi mas ma-consider ni Lord, pag ginawa kong birthday wish 'to. Haha. I hope this'll be a good year for me, academically speaking. I hope soon I'll be able to see that number encircled in my class card. Any class card, basta uno, Ayos na.
13.A Good Output sa Thesis
I was recently awakened to the fact that I'm already a Junior and I already have this additional stress/responsibility of my Thesis, whose outline, I just finished last night at 3am. So I hope that this thesis will be a good one, that it'll have good results, and, if it's not too much to ask, yung mga pang-Best Thesis na level? Haha. Kahit ung pang-nominee lang, ok na. :D
14. To see hope in studying Med abroad
Grabe talaga pagka-ambisyoso ko. Haha. Sige lang gud, libre lang naman mangarap eh. I would really like to have the opportunity to study Medicine abroad, somewhere kung saan HQ ang Medicine, kahit mataas lang ng kunti kesa satin dito. Feel ko lang kasi I'd get more discipline if I study abroad. So I guess it's time to look for scholarships, and work hard to deserve those scholarships. Go Neil. Feeling ka talaga. haha.
15. More YE Heart-filled Praises
Everyone knows how much I love my YE family, and how much I love serving Him through this community. Aside from the service I'm being able to do, I really get as much as what I put in in this community. Playing my music in praise to Him always makes me feel good and 'high' paminsan. My heart is always removed of all its burdens, and leaves me with a light-spirit, full of happiness and love. O ha. ;) Kaya nga happy ako na may praise and worship sa birthday ko eh. I hope there will always be more of this. :)
16. A dream of my father, again.
I was already able to share one of my memorable dreams of him, a really touching one. And I always miss him, I remember him now and then, and I always shed a tear or two everytime I think about him. I know it's really impossible to see him again, even though it's what I want most in the world right now, that's why I'm hoping that in my dreams, even just in my dreams, I'll be able to see him again, be with him, and have a father one more time, even just for that moment.
17. Better Relationships
I have made this sort of resolution. To try to start over again with some people. Though I haven't really told them about it, i'm kinda trying to renew myself to them. I hope this works, because I want it to. I hope makaya ko 'to. No more getting discouraged anymore, even by them. I'm trying to fix my life.
18. To spend the day with his friends = Togetherness
That's how much I value my friends. I want to spend the day with them, because I'm really glad I was given this life to have them with me. Kahit ano pang purpose nila sakin, whether you're my crying shoulder, or you're my uplifter, or you're my 'challenger', friend parin kita, and I'm thankful to have you in my life. :)
19. To be a better person for Him and for everyone else.
It's any person's goal, right? I just think now's the right time to start it. I already have the inspiration to do so. Now all I need is the endurance and perseverance. I hope this wish comes true more than any other wish on this list.

Togetherness

2009-05-27T17:39:00.004+08:00

It's been 3 days already since the YE weekend, but the feelings still linger in me. The tears I shed during that weekend still drop from my eyes everytime I think back on the experience. The hugs I gave and received have left their comforting feeling on me. Its been 3 days since the YE weekend, but I still feel like its still ongoing and a day without YE peeps seem to be an empty one. The YE feeling still haunts me, and I love it.

This YE has been so far, the best. Aside from it being the most bonded YE yet, the spiritual aspect of it has been the greatest. I've never seen so many sponsoring class people devoted to praying at the vigil room. I've never seen shepherds so close and so sincere to their lambs, and I've never felt this close to Christ before that everytime I play songs during the morning praise, tears almost find their way out in my eyes in worship to Him. It's a very great, ecstatic feeling that never ceases to ensure me that God is still always there for me, and He loves me, no matter how imperfect I may be. What's more amazing is all of it really happens in God's time. This reviving, faith-restoring experience came to me just at the time when I was at the brink of losing my grip to Him. God really reaches out and listens to His children.

Among all the YE weekends I have attended, 'eto lang ang YE na talagang masasabi ko na I felt loved, not only by some people, but by everyone in the weekend. I, and I don't think I won't be wrong if I said lahat nang nandun sa weekend, really felt cared for by Him, through others, the other YE people. I felt how everyone was really up to support each other. I could never forget the part nung Storms In Life when one of the candidates was sharing about her experience with the death of her dad, which was greatly similar to mine, and while listening to her, I just couldn't help but cry my heart out too. The arms that were there to comfort me felt really good. Thanks bro. :D

Speaking of my "bro's", I've never had candidates who were more than ever open to share what they had to share. I was really touched by their openness and also their readiness to listen to each other, even my own sharings. And, ALL of them were very friendly and very fun to be with, we just had to have 'togetherness' right after the weekend. Haha. I really feel great with these guys. I hope we all get to be more close to each other as time goes.

There's just so much I would like to express right now about the YE weekend, but I'm afraid words aren't enough already. My heart's shouting out all these happy emotions I'm feeling right now, and the only way I could express them is to give back all these happiness to Him tomorrow, during our Praise&Worship. I can't wait to sing it all back to Him, and to thank Him for the great blessing he gave to me, my YE family.

I Love You Lord. I Love You YE. Thank you very much for that most wonderful experience.

Summertime

2009-05-02T10:20:00.003+08:00

I know it's too late to be posting this but I just wanna make my summer goals official. Haha. Ngayon lng talaga ako nagka-oras actually. haha. It's been a very busy summer, but it's all good. I'm making this checklist para sure2 na magawa ko talaga. Haha.

1. YE Weekend
I've been waiting for this for some time now, and buti it's back. I can't wait to serve again. Aside from me serving, this weekend benefits me as well because I kinda do the weekend like I'm a candidate again, so I learn stuff again, and I get into the reflections and sharings seriously too. So, yeah, I really need this.

2. GYM [Haha]
Yup, it's time to be healthy, and it's time to build up my patpatin body. Haha. I'm taking this gym thing seriously, bawal magabsent. Haha. Too bad, nakaabsent na ako kaisa. damn.

3. Corn Plantation
OO! Haha. I started planting these corn seeds I bought months ago na, and I aim to make them grow nice during the summer so dapat mapatubo ko sila. So I can eat the fruit na! Yey corn. haha.

4. A summer outing
Because I haven't been on one yet, and it's the middle of the summer already! I need to have one. Friends! help me. haha. Let's go out. I wanna. :D 5. Rarejob Desperate times call for desperate measures. I need money! I want that dslr badly. Haha. I'm working for it. I hope I'll do well in this. Haha. So please, paki-open na ng schedule ko! Haha.

5. Everything else that makes summer busy.
Laag, Roadtrips, Nightouts, overnights, general room cleaning, AND EVERYTHING ELSE! GO SUMMER!

I needed that badly.

2009-05-02T00:37:00.008+08:00

I did. There's so much relief and relaxation in my mind right now. I'm glad I was able to finally get all of that out of me. There isn't even a bit of regret in me for going to the workshop. It was like a renewal for me, even though it was just a workshop. I felt like a candidate once again, experiencing those feelings once again. That was the wake up call I needed. Now I can say that I really want to be in this weekend. Most of all, I'm really proud and happy with my flockmates kanina. I could never have a better shepherd and better flockmates to share my stuff with, and those 'stuff' aren't even stuff I usually share, even in retreats. Those are usually the things I keep to myself and pray for them myself. Now that I've shared them, I've greater hope, knowing I have others who are praying with me.

*SIGH* I really needed that so bad. I needed that release not just in preparation for the weekend, but also for my own personal growth and recovery. I REALLY NEEDED THAT EXPERIENCE. Thank you for everyone who was there, for the hands on my back, comforting me. Thank you for the comforting hugs, and assuring prayers and guidance, and most especially, for just being there to listen to me. I even start tearing up, just remembering those moments. I'm loving you guys even more. Thanks to Him for the gift of you guys.

For those who can't relate very much, just let me share to you something I read from the workshop. It's a very nice poem, and I think so many of us can relate to it, and learn from it as well. I was really touched by it and I hope that you too, can relate. I know you will. :]

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn
September 1966

untitled post.

2009-04-10T22:48:00.003+08:00

And you people even wonder why I'm not that 'into' you guys. *sighs* You just don't get me, and unfortunately, I don't think you ever will. That is why there's always something between us. You may find it hard, but your not the only one, I tell you. I don't wanna get specific with stuff, 'cos I don't think it makes anything better. The thing is, were just gonna be like this forever. And I'm not one who's ready to give up playing this game. This barricade might take forever to break, but I'll say that I have forever. I don't know what can repair this. Gudlak nalang sa ating mga buhay-buhay.

Goodnight.

Keeping the faith.

2009-04-10T00:41:00.003+08:00

It's being ironic how it's holy week and all that I've been doing is everything but holy-nizing myself. I don't know how why, but I've been feeling really lazy lately. I've been sleeping for more than 10 hours a day, wether putol2 or tuloy2. I think I deserve it, anyway, after all the stress from school. Yet, I don't know why holy week this year wasn't as holy as my holy weeks in the previous year. Is there something wrong with me and my religion?

I've taken a step back tonight, while doing my Bisita Iglesia in different churches w/ my relatives. I realized how much I have been drawn away from religion by my school, lately. I mean, my school has no religion, and there's certainly not much around it to remind me that I'm a Catholic. There aren't too many Christian activities going on lately, plus frequent fieldtrips usually land on Sundays, that's why I don't get to attend mass, and lastly, my distance from the city also creates distance between me and my YE, my BLD. That's how much I'm being drawn away. Ang pambawi ko nalang ata is ung prayer ko every night before I go to sleep.

Personally, I don't think it's really of any help in keeping the faith, with those things around me. They affect me, you know. Sometimes, I tend to doubt, to think twice, even though I know that I really do believe in my religion. But sometimes, being drawn away from it, plus the fact that the people around me are of different religions and share different opinions about them, really does give you those tendencies. And to be honest, sometimes I think of changing, but I know that it's not really that easy. Specially with a family of Catholics. It's not just a matter of faith anymore, It's also become a matter of following the norms. And yes, norms aren't that easily broken.

I guess I just need a push back, a strong reminder to help me keep the faith. Yes, I'm still holding on. I still got it. I just need something to strengthen it, before it gets weaker and makes me let go of my hold.

Know what? She's right.

2009-04-08T17:19:00.007+08:00

"Para sa akin, not offering cell bio as an option takes biology back to its dark ages."
-Dr. AUN

That's one point she made when she was told me about her plan. I guess there's still hope for Cell Biology aspirants. Haha. Dr. Novero's willing to fight for it. Idol! :D Kaya gusto ko siyang maging adviser eh. haha. All we need now to support her are signatures of those who still want to take up Cell Biology. Hopefully, I can get enough signatures. :s
C'mon guys, support. :D

She has a point you know. It is becoming a necessity to learn these stuff. Kaya, go sa mga Cell Bio people. haha. And most especially, Go Mam Novero. wohoo! :D haha.

Technical Glitz.

2009-04-06T17:50:00.002+08:00

Yup, Technical glitz jud na xa. Haha.

Since that morning of 3am of Saturday, our net connection has been killing me. I just can't fix the problem. Dahil dun, I was sort of disturbed/stressed/uneasy because a daily part of my routine was removed. Haha. OA pakinggan noh. Wala lang, surfing was really what I was always doing during my freetime, and it's summer. Plus, I had a scheduled interview for my new job [hopefully] this afternoon, that's why I really needed the net. Anyway, the good thing was it got fixed kaninang lunch time, so, YEY! :D

Next thing: Not having the net is not so bad after all. Haha. You get a lot of surprises when you finally get online ulit. For example, accumulated comments sa multiply. haha. Ang babaw eh noh? haha. joke lng un. 'Eto pa isa, when I logged in on youtube kanina, I saw 2 videos that made me happy. Haha. Lingaw lang siya. Mala-commercial, tas andun pa kami, o dba. haha. :D Here they are.

And the other one:

Lingaw noh? haha.

Crisis.

2009-04-02T07:49:00.000+08:00

STILL NOT OVER THE ADVISER THING. T_T

School hinders my learning.

2009-04-01T20:47:00.005+08:00

NOOOO.

I don't know what to do. I didn't want to be in this condition in the first place, everyone knew that. Now I'm suffering the consequences.

To start the story, me and my batchmates were somehow, [i don't think 'forced' is the right word, pro wla akong maisip eh. haha] forced to take Ecology as our major, so the classes of the major courses that we were gonna take will not be dissolved, since we were only 20 in our batch, and dividing the batch might cause classes of less than 10 students to be dissolved. Ecology seemed the better option to take, taking the whole batch into consideration, so despite my whole-hearted, fully decided, choice of Cell Biology, I had to join the bandwagon that is Ecology majors. T_T

I just recently received news that my adviser rejected my supposed to be co-advisee, because the subjects that we were gonna take as Ecology majors, were, um, Ecology subjects. Since the thesis, which I was VERY VERY EXCITED ABOUT, AS IN $#@!*%! talaga, was a genetic engineering thesis, she required that the major courses we take were Cell Biology Subjects. AND NGAUN, SINCE 'DI NGA AKO CELL BIOLOGY MAJOR, DI KO MA-TAKE UNG MGA $#@+ NA SUBJECTS NA UN! SO IN OTHER WORDS, 'DI KO SIYA PWEDE MAGING ADVISER, AT DI KO MAKUHA UNG THESIS NA GUSTO KO! DAMMIT!

Why did I even have this problem in the first place? This shouldn't have been even a problem for me. Ang alam ko kasi, nakalagay dun sa form, "major option: BLANK." OPTION sana siya. Wa. So since, wala na akong choice, Now, I can't take the study I really wanted to take. I can't learn what I wanted to learn. I can't achieve what I wanted to get out of this course. 'Di ko naman dapat to probleme eh. I should have had the option to my major. Part of the explanation sakin kay Eco nalang para di maalanganin ung iba na alanganin, kasi la maxado prereq sa Eco. I'm really willing to help, pero, bakit hanggang dito, mahila pa kami? Sayangan lng talaga ako sa very great opportunity. 'Di ako bitter or galit. 'Di ko lang maalis sa isip ko ang nawala na sana akin na. T_T. KAHILAKON KO.

I really want that thesis. I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT THAT THESIS. Pero 'di ko makuha2. I had all the determination and choice, and interest, and inspiration already, pero wala lang pala.

It won't be long now.

2009-03-30T23:03:00.002+08:00

Just a day more. A 30-minute exam, then it's all over. I can't wait.

But then again, what happens after? I don't really have plans for summer yet. Ugh. I can only see me sleeping longer, no further plans. I don't want to spend the whole day dehydrating myself in this scorching house. I don't have summer classes, I don't have any summer-long vacation. I DON'T HAVE MONEY. $#!@. I'm open to any laag, outing, aircon-room offers. Please, save me.

Next thing: THANK GOD FOR BEING GOD! haha. Narinig ang aking mga dasal. waaaa. I'm so grateful for the .03 that saved my hope. I so love my Chemistry subjects. They never fail to give me suspense, every end of the semester. They never fail me! haha. So far, I think I might still pass my subjects [I hope!], and right now, MST5 is the only thing left that's keeping me bothered. I hope I did enough. Waa. Otherwise, I'm thankful for the blessing of three's and all other passing grades. Im super thankful. I promise to bawi next sem. Humanda kayo mga subjects, haha. 'Di na ako mag-travel2 ulit! argh. haha.

I'll stop here. I still need to study for my last exam. or not. haha.

I feel like I'm drugged

2009-03-26T22:25:00.002+08:00

Im still on a 'high' from not getting any sleep last night. My blood's brown from all the coffee I drank just to keep me awake. That's how much I love studying for Biochem. That's how much I was forced to love Biochem. haha. I needed 70% in our final exam just to get a 3 in the subject. I don' t really know how that's gonna be possible, but I have always been a secretly hopeful person. Sana magpay-off ang aking pagpupuyat last night. T_T.

I'm gonna take advantage of this 'high' feeling to write about what I missed to write about the last few days. Eh wala na rin naman akong tulog, lulubos-lubusin ko nlng din, diba?

Last weekend was the Isla Havaianatico event which I mentioned in my last post. The day was really2 fun, and cool, and amazing, and relaxing, and tiring, and happy, and very SATISFYING. As in. Based on physical looks, we weren't really the best looking, or the most 'fit' team there was, but I think we made bawi all on strategy, and um, talent, xmpre. haha. So eventually, YES, we won. haha.. The first prize were a whole lot of Havaianas goodies, and 20k! :D Talagang naghanap kami ng way to encash the check we won on that day, para ma-divide agad ang pera. haha. Thanks to my mommy, we all went home happy, and 5k richer! haha. Maka-happy talaga manalo. haha. I thought we were like the underdog in that contest, tahimik2 lang kami, pero hmm. haha. Atik lang. To that one person sa contest, confirm ko lng, sino ulit ung sayang at naabutan ng red team? Tayo pa naman sana ung naglalaban for first. tsk3. haha. Peace man. Happy lang ako.

I love this week kasi may pera ako. hehe. :D I can buy stuff, I can eat stuff, I can go to places, and do stuff. Party people. 3 more exams to go. I need sleep. I'm going to sleep. G'night.

The Essay worth 5k.

2009-03-24T01:39:00.005+08:00

This was the essay that gave me the best summer gift ever. :] Well, umm. Believe it or not, the essay's true! Especially now. haha. :D

Beaches to Bukids

I’m a student from UP Mindanao. As it may already be known, UP is famous for its students free of the limitations of school uniforms. With that, it may also be known that almost everyone in the school can be seen in just sandals or flip flops. In our campus here in Mindanao, wearing flip flops is more than just a fashion trend. Its more of a practical thing, since walking around our very wide, farm-like campus may really be tiring to the feet, especially when their caged in those tightly-tied rubber shoes. I, personally, am a member of this bandwagon. I really find that wearing flip flops to school is more relaxing to the feet, especially on those days with long walks to the next class. Yet, being in a farm-like environment of our school, it worries me that maybe sometimes, I would look like a worn-down farmer already, with the jeans, shirt, and a pair of ordinary flip flops. I specifically remember my mom saying before I went to college in UP, “Anak, kahit nasa UP ka na, dapat di parin mawala ang sense of style mo ha.” I never forgot that line of hers. That is why I’m very thankful for having my reliable pair of Havaianas flip flops with me. They still give off a stylish look with whatever they are worn with, be it jeans, or just shorts. More importantly, they provide me with the best comfort and endurance that I look for in flip flops. I can wear them all day long without the worry of having to check them from time to time because they might snap off and break. With my Havaianas, I can be sure I get both fashion and function in just a pair.

Aside from being a student, I’m also a son, as you may have figured. I belong to a family who finds happiness in traveling and seeing other places. Whenever there is an opportunity, we take the chance and go to places we’ve never been to before and explore what they have to offer. One of the places that we’ve been to on my top list is Bali, Indonesia. It is a famous tourist spot and many foreigners travel to this place to witness the great culture of its structures and the big waves of its beaches. We went there last week and spent a few days exploring the majestic temples and walking by the smooth sands of its beaches. We spent the days strolling along streets full of the woodcraft stores or enjoying long walks on the smooth sands of its beaches. With my trusty Havaianas flip flops, I was able to enjoy all the fun-filled days in Bali, having a very casual yet stylish look, whether in the streets or just by the beach. My feet never get too tired from all the walking because of the lightness and the comforts that my Havaianas gives them. I’m always sure that I can enjoy the best of other places that I’m gonna travel to with my Havaianas in my list of prioritized things to bring.

This is why I love my Havaianas flip flops. It has given me the best of both style and strength which always assures me that I can look good even with just flip flops on. My Havaianas flip flops has been always there for me, from the bukids of UP, to the beaches of Bali.

Planerides, Pictures, and Problems

2009-03-15T00:55:00.004+08:00

Im back on my old hobby once again, forgetting to post blogs. I really need to keep that new year's resolution in my mind always.

Anyway, I'm back. I wasn't able to post because I went to a trip with my family in Bali and Jakarta. It was all good, many sites to see, and it was the most shopping I've ever done in my whole life. Parang weird but I loved it. Grabe ang mood ni momi, prang nagbago. haha. Anyway, that's all done. just go to my multiply site for pictures. The oh-so-many pictures. Gudlak sa pagview kung tingnan niyo tlga lahat. haha. Even I got bored of trying to browse them on my laptop. hehe.

I have problems. I dont regret going to that trip, but now, some of my grades may be in Jeopardy. Oh God, I hope I'll still be able to catch up on everything. tabang. I hope none of my grades will be a red mark. T_T Please please please please. T_T

A lot has happened when I was gone. Too bad I missed all the drama. Anyway, I hope their all gonna be fixed soon. I just wish the best for all you guys. My messages to the ff:

Problematic no. 1: Maybe their still gonna be the same even if they changed. get it? Maybe it'll just be another thing that's added to their life, but won't necessarily change who they are, and things could still work between you guys. :D

Problematic no. 2: Its all up to you. I just hope no regrets will come after you make that decision. I honestly think you shouldn't let one event change your whole future. There are still a lot of options. Remember the 90/10.

Problematic no. 3: Maybe there's still a chance. Maybe you should just have a little faith in yourself and try to work harder. Maybe you can still climb up and not be left behind. Just try.

Problematic no. 4: Baka anjan lang yang wallet mo, na-misplace mo lang! haha. Hanapin mo!

I have a lot of catching up and studying to do this week. Work hard Neil. Work hard.

A smorgasbord.

2009-02-21T16:13:00.007+08:00

Once again, i've neglected my blog for almost two weeks now. Argh. I've been to busy and preoccupied, and tired with so many things happening lately that I never even got to log-in to my account here. Wanna know what those stuff are? Let me share. haha.

The whole week last week was spent on practicing a dance with a new group i kinda got in. "The smuggled ones" daw kami. hehe. I really had fun practicing our dance. Cool moves, cool people, and all that. Though I got into a sort of "conflict" with some other people for choosing this group over another one, there were ABSOLUTELY no regrets. Anyway, the conflict got fixed din naman, so it's all good. I'm happy. :D

On the friday of that week was the presentation of our dance, on CHSS night. :D the audience was great, and I was happy because the 'conflict' was resolved that night. I had even more fun on our dance, I think the crowd kinda liked it[hehe]. After our dance though, I had to go immediately para sumunod sa bahay nina Mon, where one of the other causes of my 'busy-ness' this week was. Our batch's valentines party. :D

"Guilty Pleasures: One Night Only" was the name of the party. haha. It was an overnight party at Mon's house where we exchanged valentines gifts, ate TONS of pancit for dinner[haha], and had more follow-up food after dinner, and the others LITERALLY spent the WHOLE night AND DAY belting it out on the videoke machine. haha. Again, the night wouldn't have been complete without any drama[haha] so again, nakasala na pud ko, but I'm glad its all settled now. [Sige nlng ko kasala. tsk.]

I went home early the next day, got some real sleep, and got ready again for yet another party, this time with my Bibis friends. It was their anniversary. Haha. I missed these guys a lot. We ate dinner at Majid's, Rizal, then went back to Justin's place to party some more. Music, drinks, FOOD, photoshoots and pure fun filled that night. By the way, congratulations for the new and improved logo guys. kamo na jud. haha. At the end of the long night, we took Raiza home and had a little tour of their great new house. After making a lot of noise at their house, we all went home na, with smiles on all our faces. :D

The last night of the week was another great night. It was Joie's debut, and we all got to party again, ate lots of FOOD, took lots of pictures, and more partying, and more food, and then more pictures. haha. Ang importante, masaya kami lahat. hehe. and I got some few things patched up, so ok na ulit kmi. yey. :D

[This part continued 2 weeks after i started writing this entry]

SO to make the very long weeks short, there were definitely A LOT of things that happened, and all the academic stuff weren't even counted yet. I had tons of exams to study, labreports to make and even more readings to kill myself with.

Anyway, the 2 weeks passed and I could say that I'm satisfied with how it went. The exams were fair enough. Mahirap, pero at least, nalusutan. haha. And the Med Mission, gawd, the med mission. haha. Very tiring indeed, but it was really satisfying. Maraming pumunta, yey. despite the wetland location of our med mission. haha. PLUS, i really enjoyed being the driver for the day. haha. lingaw magdrive around davao, with free gas. haha. tiring maxado sa paa, but still, lingaw. i even almost made ligis2 a motor driver. hahaha. sori po, manong. :D

AT LAST, the dreaded weeks are over. No exams next week. PLUS, i'll be gone. break sa ko kadali. Bahala na ma-put into jeopardy ang grades. waaa. gudlak sakin. Oh well. I hope, the risk'll be worth it. Tabang lord. Guys, sa manila lang ko ha? hehe. Don't miss me too much. haha.

[I hope I won't be neglecting my blog for a long time again. haha.]

On this day.

2009-02-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

Hai.Its been quite a long time na rin since I last wrote here. The past week was hell. I don't even think all of my sleep this week would reach 24 hours. Almost everyday had an exam or a long quiz, which meant studying like hell the night before. It was all just stress, physical and mental. Even the weekend was crazy. A party on Friday night, a BORING-AS-HELL fieldtrip to GenSan on Saturday, and an effin' make-up class on Sunday. ON SUNDAY. KILL ME, NOW. Ngayon lang talaga ako nagka-free time.

Anyway, I have several things to say about this day.

First, I had to wake up at around 1:30am kaninang morning to make the powerpoint presentation that we were going to report on the same day. I tried my best to keep myself awake, which only lasted until around 3am. I needed sleep. I woke up at around 8, ate a lazy breakfast, took a bath, and pulled myself to school. It was Sunday. This was just wrong. When I got to school, I met up with my partner to compile our reports and practice them before 2pm. We had our class until 5 in the afternoon, which meant happiness to me. "At last, its all over!" I had to go to church alone since my family already attended mass in the morning. I decided to hear mass sa Mintal Church nalang, para maaga pa. WHICH brings me to my next topic.

The priest celebrating mass was CRAZY man. I don't mean to be blasphemous and all but how he was sounding right there was just downright crazy. If I was with someone during the mass kanina, he/she would've complained from my own nonstop complaining about the priest. haha. Why would I be complaining?

He was talking very weird kasi. It was an english mass. He had this weird exaggerated accent when he spoke, and when he sang, oh, DID HE EVER! He sang the mass songs like he was in a videoke bar. Seriously! He sang with all the birits and all, PLUS ADLIBS! I never heard "Blessed be God" with prolonged "Blessed's" and all those kulots in the notes. haha. His homily was also very disturbing. I actually arrived at the church while homily was being held. When I got closer to the church, I actually had doubts If it was a mass I had gone to because, there was shouting, and super feel-na-feel words coming from the church. When i got close, I was like, "oh. homily lang pala." I thought It was one of those praise and worships where the people were at high praise already. haha. He really talked very loud, and I don't think he even realized that the microphone was actually just close to him, and he didn't need to shout anymore. haha. Lastly, I could really say, "I knew that accent wouldn't do any good to him." haha. There were 2 instances during the mass while the priest was talking. One was when he said, "Let us pray," he said with a little too much stress that he sounded like that announcer at Manny Pacquiao's fights, when he said, "LLLLLLLLLLet us pray!" haha. As in prolonged talaga ung L. With the exclamation point sa dulo! pramis. haha. Another was because of that accent he had, and the emotions, what was actually heard from him during mass was, "...and bring us to everLUSTing life, now and forever." Da! haha.
Just to clarify, I'm not saying he's wrong or whatever. I don't know, maybe that's how he thinks he could feel his praise to God, by doing it with all enthusiasm. I respect that. Ano lang kasi, umm, I guess his enthusiasm wasn't well interpreted to me. I just couldn't see how that could, umm.. whatever. That's that. I respect him being a priest and being religious and spiritual, un lang. napansin ko lng naman. haha.

LASTLY, the best part. haha. When I finally got home, guess what I saw sa house. [You'll love this Yuri!] There was a party at our house! :D Apparently, mom chose our place to have their FPAD party. Know what FPAD means? FOOD PROCESSORS ASSOCIATION OF DAVAO. Oh, you know what happens when this group of people are the ones that have parties. It really means FOOD! haha. My eyes were embraced by a smorgasbord of all things that were good! There were A LOT of food. Lechon, Fish fillet, Crabs, Barbecue, Cheese of several kinds, some Novellino's Embutido, Kuhol, and a whole lot more! My sister even made that dessert that was like a 'blueberry cheese cake in a glass' sort of thing, and it was good, in fairness! haha. Lastly, when everyone left, we all discovered that there was an unopened 1 and a half gallon of ice cream in the freezer. YAY! Take note, ung 1 and a half gallon, di un dalawang lalagyan, isang malaking lalagyan xa. chui mxado, first time ko makakita ng ganun kalaking gallon! haha. SO ANYWAY, needless to say, IT WAS PIGOUT TIME, and that was exactly what I did, from 7 to 10pm, until I was just about to burst. haha.

Tama talaga sabi nila, there will always be a rain before you see a rainbow. haha. and this rainbow was certainly worth getting wet in the rain for!

A conscience.

2009-02-02T21:11:00.003+08:00

There are times when you are bothered, because you don't know if you should be sorry or not.

Damage has been done, but then you don't really know if you had part in making that damage. Nonetheless, you still feel that you need to be sorry for something, that you need to be part of the ones bothered.

God, help. Tell me what I should do.

argh.

2009-01-30T23:48:00.002+08:00

I saw ung picture ng mga pictures ko sa wallet ko noon. suya. haha.

F*** talaga ung nagkawat nun. sayang maxado mga pictures ko. grr. ma-karma xa ng todo2. haha.

wla lang. haha. just felt like saying this. haha.

It's starting to fill up.

2009-01-30T21:17:00.003+08:00

A lot of stuff are running through my mind right now. Decisions, conditions, problems, concerns, celebrations..

But I know which one I should be thinking about, because I know what needs to be prioritized.

The thing is, I can't do anything about it. No matter how hard I may think about it, or even act.

So let's just help me think about the other stuff nalang. ok?

I really love this song. Listen to it, everyone. :D

A break from it all.

2009-01-27T21:41:00.003+08:00

The weekend we had was a big break for me. It was a break from all the usual exams, the routined days of school, the long jeepney rides to and from school, a break from all the monotonous days of Acads.

We had a fieldtrip in Sigaboy, Dvo Oriental for our Ecology class. A couple of transecting activities here and there. BUT. most of the trip was still a break for me because I was able to go back to my favorite hobby, which I almost left unattended for some time now. I became 'one with the lens' once again, [naks] and spent the weekend capturing moments, shooting sceneries. Something I really liked to do, but kinda lost track of because of the busy days at school, and as well as the damned crime of our camera being stolen. [May you feel the wrath of the Gods, stealer!]

I must say that I was happy taking pictures again, reuniting with the 'artistic' side of me, if there still was one left. haha. I had fun with all the shots, and had even more fun watching the pictures I took when I got home. Anyway, I just thought I'd share some of the pictures I took, to share the happiness, I guess. haha.

...nung gabing nagpaparty Sha.

2009-01-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

I never expected it to be one helluva night. Apparently, it was. damn.

It was the night before our fieldtrip to Sigaboy, Dvo del Sur. We were supposed to have a sleepover at July's so we'd go together to the pickup point the next day. Pero, we got invited by an upklas to her 'party' at Jones that night, to celebrate her 20th daw, so Mon and I decided to go, and celebrate a little, then go home to July's house afterwards. We were supposed to be at her house by 11. We were supposed to be there. tsk.

I'm not gonna make this blog detailed. I don't think 'stuff' that happened that night shouldn't be shared. I promised to people, and I promised to myself too. The night was fun, yet It was one with regret too. And the fun part isn't really the one that keeps repeating in my head right now. damn. A lot of stuff happened that night. I went beyond my boundary, but not too much. Yet, the act, caused quite heavy damage. I also thought I wasn't the best friend that night. I allowed stuff to happen too. Sori kng napa-sala ka din. haha. At least ikaw, nakaya mo. :] Slamat pala sa tulong at accomodation.

From that night, I learned a lot of stuff. And learning wasn't that easy. It hurt. Like acid.

Suyaa jud ui. I was disappointed with myself. I should've known better. I was ashamed of how I looked like.

Oh well, damage was done, let's all learn from it. Still had fun at that party though. Thanks ulit, ate. :D

Argh. Suya parin ako sa sarili ko.

Reposts and Realizations

2009-01-18T20:24:00.010+08:00

The nights of this weekend haven't been really been too busy so I just spent them sitting in front of the laptop, exploring youtube and reading blog posts. I've read a couple of blogs and I was really struck with some. I mean, not exactly all the parts, pero mejo tagos ung iba, haha. So, I'm reposting some of their posts and an excerpt from the other. Ganun ako ka-struck. hehe.

The first one's from Cams, a friend of mine. She's studying in ADMU and she shared in one of her posts about her confession and the mass held after that. What really struck me sa post niya was the homily of the priest during the mass. It was just so, umm, true. hehe. And the analogy the priest used was really a great example. Well, here it is:

"The homily of Father was another wonderful thing, as he was talking about the circus. He likened our relationship to God as trapeze artists; with one being the flyer and the other, the catcher. At some point, the flyer has to let go, do a somersault or two, and trust that his partner will catch him. One cannot be the flyer and the catcher at the same time. He has to trust the other that he will catch him. How nice his choice of words were, 'so this year, 2009, learn to let go.'

Let go of what other people has to say about you, let go of stereotypes, let go of heartaches. Know that you have the greatest Catcher in the world. Let go and fly."

Thanks Cams for sharing that, hehe. I really liked it.

The second one's also a repost from Paolo Seg, another friend. :D It's a dialogue between two people. It was written in a very simple way, yet it really strikes you at different points of the script, depending on your situation. hehe. Hmm, ako kaya, san banda sa dialogue na 'to na strike? It's up to you to guess. haha. Anyway, here's the post:

[God, I wish I was this kind of guy.]

MGA TAUHAN:
Jigs = Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabaho bilang researcher sa isang financial firm
Yumi = Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years ahead kay Jigs.

TAGPO:

Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort. Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sa sahig habang inaayos ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.

YUMI: Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man. Naaawa ako sa'yo e. Tabi na tayo sa kama.

JIGS: Hindi, okay lang ako dito.

YUMI: Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no. Malaki naman itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.

JIGS: Sure ka?

YUMI: Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?

JIGS: (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?

YUMI: Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot na divider.

JIGS: Good idea.

Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati ang kama sa gitna. Magsesettle down ang dalawa. Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya: "Puppy Love and other Stories" ni F. Sionil Jose. Si Yumi naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music habang nagsa-zazen.

YUMI: Do you mind?

JIGS: No, go ahead. I'm just reading.

Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silang di maka-concentrate. Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.

YUMI: I can't believe our friends.

JIGS: Oo nga e.

YUMI: Dapat ginagawa nila ito sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada o kaya
sa bagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats.

JIGS: Thanks.

YUMI: So what are your plans?

JIGS: Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng BPI sa OTP nila.

YUMI: Wow naman. In demand.

JIGS: Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this tradition anyway?

YUMI: (Matatawa) You won't believe it.

JIGS: Ikaw?

YUMI: Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.

JIGS: So why did you start it?

YUMI: Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon. Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko, magsimula kami ng tradition. Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae. Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin sa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, weÂ¹ll all see what happens. Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald at Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.

JIGS: (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!

YUMI: Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.

JIGS: So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?

YUMI: (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?

JIGS: Feeling ko may nagtrip sa akin sa barkada e.

YUMI: Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don't see any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year, unless may crush ka sa 'kin na di ko alam at alam nila (tatawa).

JIGS: Baka ikaw (tatawa).

YUMI: The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.

JIGS: I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia ang biktima.

YUMI: And last year were Rod and Kay. They're getting married kailan? Sa June yata.

JIGS: What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at isang babae
sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyari doon!

YUMI: That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)

JIGS: E kung may madisgrasya?

YUMI: Anong disgrasya?

JIGS: Alam mo na 'yun!

Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.

YUMI: Ano? Sex? Pano kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka naman. Di mo masabi.

JIGS: Ang alin?

YUMI: Ang sex!

JIGS: Hah!

YUMI: Sige nga sabihin mo nga?

JIGS: Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.

YUMI: Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!

JIGS: Excuse me?

YUMI: Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

JIGS: Para kang bata Yumi, ha.

YUMI: You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in third year.

JIGS: Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Hmmm. I wonder if we're gonna last three days.

YUMI: (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa'kin?

Di sasagot si Jigs.

YUMI: We're gonna survive this one.

JIGS: What makes you so sure?

YUMI: No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractive pero I've no
time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kakabreak ko lng

JIGS: Same here.

YUMI: Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don't have time
for this? (Matatawa)

Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang CD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa. Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.

JIGS: Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.

YUMI: May chips ba diyan?

JIGS: Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.

Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha ng chips sa ibabaw ng ref.

YUMI: Since we're gonna be stuck naman with each other for three days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin.

JIGS: What do you mean?

YUMI: Get the wine, let's have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and we're gonna be the first failure of this tradition.

JIGS: Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.) When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo na sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin silang umamin sa isaÂ¹t isa. Pero us...

YUMI: Weird ng barkada natin no?

JIGS: To our barkada and our weird traditions!

YUMI: To us, the first failure of this tradition!

Magto-toast sila at iinom.

JIGS: Sige, ate Yumi. Let's make our stay here more interesting. ..

YUMI: What's with the ate?

JIGS: Fine...

Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para magkwentuhan.

JIGS: Let's play twenty questions.

YUMI: Sige! Ano yon?

JIGS: Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita, tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa't isa. Alternate tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can't ask the question that I already asked.

YUMI: That's pretty interesting.

JIGS: At bawal magsinungaling.

YUMI: Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in the room. Ok?

JIGS: Of course. You wanna start?

YUMI: No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si Jigs)

JIGS: Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo sa buhay?

YUMI: Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge- challenge. Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.

JIGS: Simula pa lang e.

YUMI: Sige. Ano nga ba...?

JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge- challenge?

YUMI: Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako...I'm a frustrated ballet dancer.

JIGS: Talaga?

YUMI: I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi ako ng disiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero I really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati kong naiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ng tanong mo. Walang thrill.

JIGS: Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa'kin mamaya.

YUMI: We'll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bading ka?

JIGS: Never.

YUMI: Bilis ng sagot a.

JIGS: Coz I never entertained the idea.

YUMI: Homophobe ka ba?

JIGS: Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?

YUMI: So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?

JIGS: I'm straight, okay?

YUMI: I'm not asking if you're gay or not. I'm asking kung...

JIGS: Never nga.

YUMI: We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us.

JIGS: What?! You thought I was gay?!

YUMI: E pa'no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi mo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo. Too good to be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero iniisip
namin front mo lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bading ang pagiging maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty...

Tatawa lang si Jigs.

YUMI: So we thought it's either that or you were planning to become a priest.

JIGS: What?!

YUMI: Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba.. .

JIGS: The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.

YUMI: Of course not. I didn't mean that!

JIGS: I take my faith seriously. That doesn't make me gay!

YUMI: So you did want to become a priest...

JIGS: Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family...and be a
father.

Tahimik.

YUMI: So you're not gay.

JIGS: No.

YUM: You never...

JIGS: Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It's my turn.

YUMI: Homophobe ka no?

JIGS: Hindi kaya!

YUMI: Whatever...

JIGS: Ako na, daya mo naman e.

YUMI: Okay, okay. Shoot me.

JIGS: How do you see yourself five years from now?

YUMI: You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e.

JIGS: The object of this game is not to win.

YUMI: E ano pa ba?

JIGS: To get to know the other person.

YUMI: Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill ang isang game kung walang nananalo.

JIGS: Sagot.

YUMI: May time limit ba 'to? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.

JIGS: Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

YUMI: Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom) To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimula ako ng sarili kong botique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula.

JIGS: Not bad.

YUMI: Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang competition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials ang nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng botique.

JIGS: (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?

YUMI: Yuck!

JIGS: Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan.

YUMI: May talent naman ako kahit papano a!

JIGS Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib! (Tatawa)

YUMI: (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga! Akala ko goody-goody ka...Hindi ko papatulan ang pagbobold kahit anong mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.

JIGS: Ganito? Anong ganito?

Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.

YUMI: These producers think all the people want is sex, sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga!

JIGS: (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?

YUMI: Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako na'ng magtatanong. Ang korni mo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nang konti...Inom ka muna.

Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.

YUMI: Who was your first crush in the barkada?

Tahimik.

YUMI: Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.

Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.

JIGS: Lalaki o babae?

Tatawa sila pareho.

YUMI: Dapat may time limit ito e.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Hirap naman ng tanong mo.

YUMI: Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.

JIGS: Wine pa?

YUMI: Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!

Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.

JIGS: Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung pinakamaganda sa barkada.

YUMI: Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa'kin ang pinakagwapo si Joel. Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg...

JIGS: Yung literally na may dating walang tanung-tanong. Yung kahit sinong tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot.

YUMI: Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing game. Ca'mon man. Play your own game. Pa'no na kung truth or dare to e di pahirapan na. Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.

JIGS: Yung commercial model.

Matitigilan si Yumi.

YUMI: Wine pa nga.

Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom. Biglang matatawa.

YUMI: (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?

JIGS: Sige, pagtawanan ba?

YUMI: You can say it to my face, I won't bite. Bakit hirap na hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lang e...Wine pa nga!

JIGS: Okay, 1 point ka na...

YUMI: (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan naman nangyari ito?

JIGS: Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush in the barkada...NOW?

YUMI: E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.

JIGS: Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang tanong mo, first crush ko.

YUMI: Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball 'to, tambak ka na.

JIGS: Just answer the question.

YUMI: Siyempre wala. I told you, I don't have time for these stuff. Kakabreak ko lang di ba?

JIGS: Korni mo namang sumagot.

YUMI: E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang kailangan kong sumagot...hmmm. ..teka... sino nga ba? Sino ba'ng crush material sa barkada? Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.

JIGS: Yung seryoso naman.

YUMI: Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang...

JIGS: E napipilitan ka lang e.

YUMI: Uy! Pa'no ba 'yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush kita...yiheee (Tatawa).

JIGS: Dati pa 'yon no!

YUMI: Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano namang ginawa ko? Tsk. Tsk.

JIGS: Is that your question na?

YUMI: Oy, hinde! Ito naman...di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

YUMI: Fine. Here's a little juicy question: Describe your first kiss.

JIGS: That's not even a question.

YUMI: Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like?

Matatawa si Jigs.

JIGS: Wet.

YUMI: Yuck!

Magtatawanan sila.

JIGS: Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi kami nung isa kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo. E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako. E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto, sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga ang feeling e. Parang may glue. Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho...

Tawa pa rin si Yumi

YUMI: Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si Krissy ba 'to?

JIGS: Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.

YUMI: So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?

JIGS: Nope.

YUMI: Ha?

JIGS: Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin e. May boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Pero at least, na-discover namin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isaÂ¹t isa. Pero hanggang doon na lang.

YUMI: What happened after?

JIGS: We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work. Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko.

YUMI: Nakakatuwa naman.

JIGS: Ikaw, pa'no yung first kiss mo?

YUMI: Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit ba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin 'yan!

JIGS: Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ng wine) Okay, naka-warm-up na ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did?

YUMI: 'Yan ang mga tanong! Ano ba'ng ibig mong sabihin ng naughty?

JIGS: Bahala kang mag-define.

YUMI: Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.

JIGS: Kanina ayaw mo ng korni.! Ngayong medyo exciting naman...

YUM: Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time.

JIGS: (Nagulat) Hala.

YUMI: I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.

JIGS: Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?

YUMI: Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako (matatawa).

JIGS: Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo't ginawa mo 'yon, aber?

YUMI: Nag-eexperiment lang ako. E sa type ko sila pareho e. Ano'ng magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill. Alam mo 'yon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date sa isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre, kasi, alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akala nyo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng gumawa non?

JIGS: How can you love two guys at the same time?

YUMI: Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman ang love dun. I was...having fun!

JIGS: Nainlove ka na ba, ever?

YUMI: Nakakailang tanong ka na? It's my turn.

JIGS: Don't you want to answer the question anyway?

YUMI: My turn!

JIGS: Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)

Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigs ng isa pa sa ref.

JIGS: Ang bilis nating uminom a.

YUMI: Are you still a virgin?

JIGS: Whoa! Where did that come from?

YUMI: That's my fourth question.

JIGS: (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo? Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.

YUMI: Don't tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni Krissy hanggang ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo?

JIGS: Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.

YUMI: So virgin ka pa? I don't believe it!

JIGS: Mukha ba akong manyak?

YUMI: Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.

JIGS: Insulto ba 'yon?

YUMI: Compliment 'yon, tanga.

JIGS: Ah, okay. Thanks.

YUMI: Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?

JIGS: Alin? Sex?

YUMI: Wow! Nasabi rin niya!

JIGS: Of course I always feel it. Natural lang 'yon sa tao no? Nasa iyo na lang 'yan kung anong gagawin mo sa urge na 'yon.

YUMI: E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean, pag naiihi ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang 'yon, di ba?

JIGS: Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi. At hindi ka iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain sa iyo. Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkain diyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon 'yan.

YUMI: And sex is the same?

JIGS: Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At least, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.

YUMI: Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing lahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah!

JIGS: Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto, mali.

YUMI: And what is that context?

JIGS: Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na natin 'yan.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin ginagawa.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Masarap e. Sino bang ayaw nun?

Tahimik.

YUMI: (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat kang i-congratulate for being a virgin!

JIGS: Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplain ko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mga paniniwala ko...No need to get so cross about it, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS: It's not about being a virgin or not. It's about putting things into their proper places.

YUMI: I'm not arguing with you.

JIGS: Me neither. I'm just answering your questions.

Matagal na katahimikan.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraang train of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Yumi.

JIGS: Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still wanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti)

YUMI: Shoot me.

JIGS: Who was your first lay?

YUMI: (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos mo talaga! So inaassume mo na hindi na ako virgin?

JIGS: E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang nananalo e. So I guess I'm winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a! I'm just hitting two birds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot: wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?

YUMI: Ang daya mo.

JIGS: Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.

YUMI: You think I'll answer that after giving your sermon, Father Jigs?

JIGS: Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko. Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I'll respect them as well as I know you respect mine. I'm no saint. I'm just trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti)

YUMI: How do you do that?

JIGS: Alin?

YUMI: I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way you say things...parang bumabaliktad sa'yo...makes you more...charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, ! di na kita kakausapin.

JIGS: You can't walk out. We're locked here for three days except for meals.

YUMI: So I'm forced to like you para di masira ang vacation ko. (Ngingiti)

JIGS: You don't have to answer my question if you don't want.

YUMI: I guess I'll be honest with you as you were honest with me...

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI: Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my first boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, it was something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other. Tapos, yun...yun na. We went back just in time for the awarding of the prom queen. Guess what, I won pa. (Mahinang tawa)

JIGS: What was it like?

YUMI: Now that I look back, it isn't as special as I thought it was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just led by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused. Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo yun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawin mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect. Everything was magical...well, almost.

JIGS: Almost...?

YUMI: Sa next question mo na 'yan. Ako na.

JIGS: (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.

YUMI: Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa'kin no? (Tatawa)

JIGS: Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa)

YUMI: Engot. Hindi 'yon. Here's something na curious lang ako. Kasi I've been hearing things...saka you've hinted on it na rin kanina...Are you still with Krissy?

JIGS: Hindi na.

YUMI: Since when?

JIGS: Two, maybe three weeks ago?

YUMI: Sino'ng nakipag-break?

JIGS: Pareho kami.

YUMI: Why?

JIGS: Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin na it won't work. Isa na don, magkaiba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.

YUMI: Like what?

JIGS: Marami.

YUMI: At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years with her?

JIGS: People change, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Right before graduation, she asked me to move in with her.

YUMI: Talaga?

JIGS: Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon namin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she's working na naman, ako naman bagong graduate, we should try out na raw living together if it'll work for us.

YUMI: Natakot ka sa arrangement?

JIGS: Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano pang ikakatakot mo, di ba?

YUMI: E bakit umayaw ka?

JIGS: It's just that, it's not my thing.

YUMI: Sabi na nga ba e, ka no? Sinasayang mo ang opportunities! (Matatawa)

JIGS Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako tanga.

YUMI: Fine.

JIGS: Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa s! a mga ganitong bagay. Wala pa sa isip ko ang ganon. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next step sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of being together and knowing each other, we're practically ready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero I realized, I'm not ready for any of these. Narealize ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon. I need to mature some more to get into this things smean, getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako...

YUMI: Maturity has nothing to do with age.

JIGS: But it has a lot to do with time.

Tahimik.

JIGS: So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig sabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus the commitment? Pa'no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

JIGS: Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think that's the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will work kasi takot! kayo na baka hindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitement ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa lang.

Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.

YUMI: Are you always like that?

JIGS: Like what?

YUMI: So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa relationships.

JIGS: Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and error.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.

YUMI: So, No hard feelings?

JIGS: Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa bahay e.

YUMI: That's nice.

JIGS: Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?

YUMI: That's your sixth na ha?

JIGS: Sure.

YUMI: Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up namin ni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang ito ha?

JIGS: Of course.

YUMI: Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba? I wanted to be in a relationship na special naman. So of all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako. Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung "making love" di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with yourself and with your partner. So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisip yung sarili ko. Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na...

JIGS: Anong nangyari?

YUMI: Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako ng proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof 'yon? Na I'm saving myself for that right moment, that special moment between us? Alam mong ginawa? Nilayasan ako!

JIGS: You deserve someone better.

YUMI: Talaga!

YUMI: Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of meaningless sex, when I'm looking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng buhay no?

JIGS: That's the way we must learn.

YUMI: Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience yung tunay na mag make-love. And I had to go all through those relationships para lang ma-realize yun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.

Iinom ng wine.

YUMI: kaw ba, importante sayo na virgin ang mapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba?

JIGS: Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan 'yan. Pero now that you've mentioned it...It doesn't matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course I value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko. It's like the perfect wedding gift I could give to her. Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn't care. As long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don't expect her to give me the same gift. I don't do something because I expect people to do the! same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin 'yon. Masaya na ako sa ganoon.

YUMI: (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that's the nicest thing I ever heard from a guy. That's why I always enjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things.

JIGS: Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal to love?

YUMI: I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I mean, after the first time na...you know...sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Tapos naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yung naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And then I felt empty. So empty. That's why I wanted to change. I wanted to believe in "making love." And I'm still looking for it. Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my body but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone to touch my soul. T! o "make love" to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, naging numb na'ko sa dami ng relasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung mararanasan ko pa iyon. That's why I envy you.

Tahimik.

YUMI: Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?

JIGS: You still have your soul...(Ngingiti)

Tahimik.

YUMI: With whom would you want to experience it?

JIGS: Of course, sa asawa ko.

YUMI: I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my seventh question. So give a name.

JIGS: A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging asawa ko.

Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi. Iinom ng wine.

JIGS: Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then, it was just gone. Of course I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.

Tahimik.

JIGS: My turn?

YUMI: Shoot me.

JIGS: Tell me something... a secret. Yung wala kahit isang nakakaalam.

Matagal na katahimikan.

JIGS: You trust me naman di ba?

YUMI: Well, you've earned it, alright.

JIGS: Saka wala akong tinatago sa'yo. Sinagot ko lahat ng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)

YUMI: I, uhm...

JIGS: Yes...?

YUMI: I need more wine.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

JIGS: Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to go. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI: I'll tell you something no one in the world knows except one other person. And that person probably forgot all about me already.

JIGS: (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?

YUMI: Ano ka ba?

JIGS: Biro lang. Seryoso na.

YUMI: Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.

JIGS: Promise.

YUMI: If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan mo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.

JIGS: Mamatay man ako ngayon.

YUMI: Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then... (Magiging mas seryoso ang tono niya) ...and Zach. I wasn't really with Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel, alam mo na...making out and stuff...Well, anyway, I was kinda serious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and I were...you know...doing it. And...

JIGS: And...?

YUMI: Uhm...I...uhm. ..I got pregnant.

JIGS: What?

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI: I uhm... Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm...Two months akong delayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntis nga ako...and Joel found out about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn't know what to say, you know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn't really love him? Na wala lang iyon? And so he broke up with me and...I..uhm. ..I was afraid and uhm...(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)

JIGS: It's okay...

YUMI: I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left me. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make him come back but I don't think he'd believe me after the thing with Zach...and...my parents are gonna kill me if... (iiyak)

JIGS: (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito) Ssshhh...you don't have to tell me this if it upsets you...

YUMI: And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgo) I didn't mean to, Jigs.I wasn't myself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone...

JIGS: Tahan na. Ssshhh...

Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs si Yumi.

JIGS: Alam ba 'to ni Joel?

YUMI: How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam ay yung duktor sa clinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God...

JIGS: It's alright...

Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahanin niya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang.

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI: Can you get me my yosi?

Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng kama. Kukunin ang Yosi ni Yumi. Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay Yumi.

YUMI: Thanks...

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI: If we were...if we were the last two people on earth, would you consider doing it with me?

JIGS: Doing what?

YUMI: Alam mo na...

JIGS: Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)

YUMI: betlog mo. (Ngingiti)

JIGS: Ngumiti rin.

YUMI: So? Would you?

JIGS: Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanan si Yumi) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

YUMI: Shut up nga!

JIGS: That's your eight na, ha?

YUMI: I lost count. Answer it.

JIGS: Why not?

Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumi sa balikat ni Jigs.

JIGS: If you could be something else, what would you be?

YUMI: I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro.

JIGS: Bakit?

YUMI: I always saw the relationship of a violin and its player as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sincere sa isa't isa. Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. The violin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body and her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared to the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.

Tahimik.

JIGS: Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)

YUMI: Pa'no mo malalamang in-love ka na?

JIGS: Paano? I don't think there's a formula to that. Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin 'yon? I'd like to believe na yun na nga 'yon...yung kay Krissy...

YUMI: Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo nga si Krissy?

JIGS: Alam mo nakakatawa.. .korni actually. Babalik na naman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni.

YUMI: Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.

JIGS: I heard bells.

YUMI: Ano?

JIGS: Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may narinig nalang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang 'yon pero yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.

YUMI: Seryoso ka ba?

JIGS: O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may nagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Tapos napangiti ako. Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.

YUMI: Korni nga. (Matatawa)

JIGS: Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag naranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.

Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI: Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo. O lasing lang ako?

Tahimik.

JIGS: I'm into my last question.

Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.

YUMI: Shoot me. Better make it good.

JIGS: If you were again to be the next victim of this tradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again...who would you want the next guy to be?

YUMI: (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to... Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who'd stroke my strings...not even. Yung mapapatunog niya ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik) Lumuluwag na ang dila ko...kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko.
(Ngingiti)

Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI: Siyempre yung masarap kausap.

Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.

YUMI: Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap... I think it's better than making love.

Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.

YUMI: Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.

Matitigilan siya.

YUMI: I can't believe I just said that.

Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.

YUMI: Don't you want to kiss me?

Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.

JIGS: Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si Jigs)

YUMI: Yes.

DILIM.

reminiscing.. the not so good parts.

2009-01-18T00:37:00.003+08:00

I was browsing through my old albums kanina while looking for pictures for the 'project' that I was gonna make. Most of the albums I was able to open again, after a long time, where fun to look at. But there were also some that WERE JUST PLAIN EMBARASSING ALREADY. haha.

My first posts, High school and YE albums, became quite embarassing because of those stupid captions I thought of putting back then. UGH. I mean, they were kinda funny for me before, but now they're just so plain stupid already. haha. I'd even imagine what if that was how I posted pictures now, God, I bet no one would even view my albums. haha.

Then there was my First year summer addiction, those Photoshop edits. Though I really could say that I had fun doing those edits, even staying up tilll morning just to do them, I've recently realized how most of my work weren't really, that commendable. haha. I dunno, I now think some of those works look like trash now, haha. not really given much thought, and just plain, amateur. haha. Pramis, mejo naulaw jud ko. haha.

But oh well, the past doesn't matter as much as the present does.

Gotta move on. Gotta stop browsing those old albums.

tsk. tsk. tsk.

2009-01-16T23:13:00.003+08:00

small sparks are lighting up every now and then. It kinda gets to me, but nope, I'm not gonna be affected. I don't break down that easy.

As i've said. I'm patient when it comes to some 'types' of people. I'm honing this 'praxis' ability.

Who knows, maybe this is just a temporary thing, just a swing of mood for me. We'll see.

; )

These are the moments when my voice becomes abused.

2009-01-15T22:33:00.002+08:00

Its American Idol season again, and I just love it. Listening to all those really great talents, and laughing at those not-so-great ones. :D Everytime I see someone auditioning and I hear their really great voices, it really just amazes me so much and I just couldn't wait until I hear them sing more at Hollywood week.

However, part of watching these kinds of shows is my throat, my voice, or even the people here in the house, even, abused to death. Haha. Whenever I watch Idol or some other singing contests, I really tend to sing along to them too, and even after the show, I sing A LOT in my room, looking up karaoke videos on youtube and just belting what I have out.

THE THING IS, there isn't really a voice to be quite proud of here, and there isn't really anything to belt out, haha. Just pure, umm, noise, I guess. haha.

Still, I don't know, during Idol seasons are also the time when I sing a lot more than usual. In my bedroom, in front of the tv, in the bathroom, you name it. I dunno, I guess it's part of a fantasy thing, me imagining being there, haha, but I shall spare you all from the terror, and ngaun palang, I will promise not to make that fantasy come true. :D The only witnesses to these noises I make will be my house and my close friends, I guess. That's all, I just find it weird, though I'm not saying Its a 'bad' weird for me, to be singing a lot during singing contest seasons.

SA MADALING SALITA, nag-aambisyon ako nang wala sa lugar. Nagpapantasya ako ng walang katuturan. Tama ba?

The big break.

2009-01-14T23:51:00.003+08:00

I have been through hell in the past few days. I mean, they were just draining the LIFE out of me. Last Tuesday, I studied from 9 in the evening up to 4 in the morning of the next day, and that was just for my Genetics Exam, studying for my AH5 quiz really needed to wait until the next day. I mustered every ounce of ATP in my body to really finish studying the 5 super long Exercises which where the coverage. I drank coffee, Milo, Cappuccino, and Nesquik that night just to keep myself alive. I was torturing myself. haha. After that long night, I slept and was supposed to wake up at 6:30 to get to my 8:30 class on time. As expected, I woke up late. It was already around 7:15 when I woke up, rushed a bath, dressed up, and went to school. NO BREAKFAST. I NEVER MISS BREAKFAST. My stomach was grumbling on the way to school, and that lack of food just added to my sleepiness and my feeling weird. Though I think the overload of caffeine that night still left some energy for me to use and get through that crammed quiz and that exam which seemed like forever to arrive. I WAS REALLY DRAINED.

After the exam, I went home, and told myself to get some sleep before I start studying for the 2 more effin' exams the following day. When I got home, I locked my room door, took of my clothes[naka-shorts parin ui] and forced some sleep, which just lasted for an hour. The giant BUZZ woke me up. I had no other choice, so I started doing the impossible. STUDY MORE. haha. I read my handouts in my Political Philo class, which did absolutely NOTHING to help keep me awake. tsk. I eventually found myself sleeping with the handouts on my face. "This isn't heading for anything at all." Even trying to read my Zoology handouts to try to keep me up wasn't helping. I threw all those papers with all those Aristotle faces, Hydra buddings and rhetoric blabber printed on them and went to sleep. There just wasn't any sense in trying anymore. haha. I was tired, sleepy, and I needed sleep.

I woke up to another dreadful day. 2 Exams, with me absolutely knowing nothing about the coverages. Oh well, like it was the first time. haha. I got myself ready, this time i ATE. :D On the long 'journey' to school, I crammed all those Philosophies, Laws, Poriferan parts and mechanisms into my wilting brain and did what I could do. I went to my Biochemistry class first, sat down and even continued reading, without noticing that there was a quiz going on, haha. Buti nlng anjan si July. :D Anyway, I decided to listen to this class first. I had another hour and a half after to cram again, and that's exactly what I did. I read those powerpoint presentations, pushed everything to what's left of my brain. haha. I took the exam without anything sure inside my head, and decided to just get it over with. Write what I know. There, done. One more, let's just get this day over with.

So after the last exam, which was quite better by the way since it was a practical exam. Not as bad as that Essay Exam From Hell. AT LAST, it was over. The days left were just light days. Oh God, the happiness it brings. :D We all relieved our stress by going to the volleyball court and played the game-July-taught-them game. haha. Ung habulan na game. Anyway, it kinda lightened me up, and it was fun. :D After about an hour[i think?] of playing that, we got all sweaty and decided to just sit down and reminisce on our first-year days on that same court, as well as some not so first-year conversations. haha. The blowing wind that afternoon was just making us all feel great. haha. Anyway, the day ended well at school, we all had fun, and I lavet. haha.

We went home after, just in time for me to watch the first episode of American Idol 8. More reason to be happy after all the chaos. :D I saw some really good contestants, and got more jealous, again. haha. Yet, seeing those other really weird and bad rejects, lessened the jealousy, since they gave me warnings of what I would experience if I were in those contests, so it was all good.

Tonight has been a very relaxed night. No stress at all. Im happy. :D Goodnight everyone.

Procrastinator.

2009-01-11T22:46:00.003+08:00

I'm distracted. for some reason unidentifiable.

It's this mood again. It's when you feel that you need to do something, yet there's something keeping you from doing it. You know you want to do it, and you need to do it, but at the same time you also feel like you don't and you can't do it. It's quite annoying 'cause it's pulling me back.

In other words, i'm being lazy again. dammit.

I have several exams this week, and I know I should start studying already. It's Sunday already, and I know I should've started, but I never found the will. Some exams are gonna be held on the same day with another exam, so I'm pretty sure that studying for two exams the night before isn't very good. But, ah, I don't know what's wrong. dammit.

need to find inspiration. help.

I'm happy.

2009-01-11T01:15:00.002+08:00

Its 1:16am. I'm supposed to go to sleep already, but I just need to type this in, I do think it's worth typing.

God, I'm really happy having you in my life. I'm happy I stayed. I'm happy I never had to go. I'm happy I'm still with you.

Wala lang, it really just makes me happy whenever tayo ang magkasama. It's different from my other friends because the fun WE have lingers. It lingers VERY long after we have been together. Even this post is an effect of that lingering happiness. Whenever we go out, even after we say goodbye, I still feel the happiness we shared. I find it hard to remove this feeling of gratitude, that we became friends. Basta, I really know it's different. Kahit 'di na tayo magkasama, I still think of you guys and the next time we would be together again. I've never had guys like you, and I don't think I ever will, so I just hope this one would last for very long.

Ya I know it's a bit senti. No, i think you'd call it emo, even. Pro wala lang, I'm really just happy with you guys. Thank you very much for all that.

"Friendship is like a violin; the music may stop now and then, but the strings will last forever."

Oh yeah.

2009-01-10T22:11:00.004+08:00

Asa na ta? *ting!* shopping! haha. I don't think this line will ever grow old. haha.

I think this was a first. Had fun, super. And there's even proof. haha. I just wish I could share the proof, but I promised, right guys? haha.

Enjoyed Bedtime Stories. laughtrip. and I promise to watch The Proposal. haha.

Oh yeah, guys? When you buy balot and decide to eat it at home, make sure you have a safe place to keep it, like a bag, or something. Keeping it somewhere else, might, umm, cause stuff. haha.

At last, my project's gonna be complete already. haha. :D Just a few pictures more, malapit na talaga.

[Sorry for the thriftiness of words. They're not enough to express my feelings eh. naks. haha.]

"Can we make up now, 'cause i can't sleep through the pain."

2009-01-06T23:19:00.003+08:00

This song has been sort of my lingering, playing in my head lately. I really like the song, and I can't get it out of my head. What's frustrating me is that its constantly playing in my head but I can't sing it. haha. Diba makainis yun? Yung may song na nasa isip mo, pero di mo makanta2? Wanna know why? kasi I don't memorize the lyrics pa, and I JUST CAN'T reach most of its notes w/o screaming it. haha. Wala lang, ma-bother lang ko. hehe. Anyway, here's the song. :D

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh...
Oh oh oh...

[Verse 1]

She's starin' at me,
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'.
Mmmmm
Nobody's talkin',
'Cause talkin' just turns into screamin'.
Ohhh...
And now is I'm yellin' over her,
She's yellin' over me.
All that that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what's even worse).
That we don't even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for...

[Hook]

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

[Chorus]

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

[Verse 2]

And it gets me upset, girl
When you're constantly accusing.
(Askin' questions like you've already known).
We're fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain't the way that love is supposed to go).

Whoaaaaaaaaa...
[What happened to workin' it out] .
We've falled into this place
Where you ain't backin' down
And I ain't backin' down.

So what the hell do we do now...
It's all for...

[Hook]

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

[Chorus]

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

[Bridge]

Oh baby this love ain't gonna be perfect,
(Perfect, perfect, oh oh).
And just how good it's gonna be.
We can't fuss and we can't fight
Long as everything alright between us
Before we go to sleep.

Baby, we're gonna be happy.

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

[Chorus]

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

Things won't seem as they are.

2009-01-05T21:16:00.005+08:00

Today, Jan 5., is the first day of school. We all went back to reality. Though, reality hadn't really kicked in today, since my subjects today weren't very 'serious' yet. NSTP wasn't very much of a big deal today, wait isn't NSTP not a big deal since umm, forever? Well, ours wasn't certainly one, even the teacher seems to not take the subject seriously. haha. I went to class, late, went inside, was asked to share about my christmas vacation and my new year's resolution, then dismissed. Yeah boi. haha. My second and last subject for the day, Zoo3 was supposed to be from 1-3pm but, we got dismissed by 2pm. High Five. I guess the teacher wasn't in the mood to start school yet too. BUT, BUT, BUT. I won't be deceived. haha. I'm aware of the mayhem this peaceful-wonderful-stress-free day hides under it's deceivable cloak. [dengk dengk DEEEEENGK!] CHAR. haha. Things don't seem as they are. haha. Oh God, I can't wait till I get beaten to death by the days to come. haha.

Anyway, hmm.. not much has happened today aside from Acads. Lemme see.. Oh yeah, I got a LITTLE bit excited about taking that thesis on Genetic Eng. kanina when I saw Sir Jong and July talking about PCR and DNA cloning. haha. wla lang. :D

I got na rin our pictures taken last Saturday at New Jersey, and posted them on my multiply. I love the pictures, haha. Nagkita2 kami ulit, pati masaya ang pictures. :D

Diba masaya? haha.. Look at Ernest's tongue go wild! haha.

Second day tomorrow, BRING IT ON!

Huling hirit sa break

2009-01-04T02:49:00.004+08:00

DISCLAIMER: the 'drinking' referred to here does not mean binge drinking, umm... drink-drink lang. haha. Nobody got drunk, seriously. haha.

Bakit kung kailan malapit na bumalik ng school, parang dun pa nagdagsaan ang mga sessions na to? haha. Seriously, this has got to stop. haha. Dapat kasama 'to sa resolutions ko. Last time, Margarita lang yun eh, para lang mapasyal ang cousins and stuff. Recently, it became wine, and tagaka, and vodka. umm, sige, kasi party man. haha. Then kanina lang, talagang naghanap pa ng place na magugustuhan, haha. First, SomePlaceElse, kaso daming tao, alis ulit, lipat ng BluePost, di masyado type, sige Damosa, SML knti, then balik SomePlace, ayun may table na. Margarita ulit. haha. Dili man siya super lami na drink but makainom jud ka. haha. dapat pigilan. haha. ayun, pinigilan, umuwi mga 2am. haha.

umm, relatives ko pala sila mga kasama dito. haha.

UC nlng unta to, sayaw2 nlng ta, game pa ko kaayo. haha.

Happy Birthday Mr. Ramos

2009-01-03T00:13:00.005+08:00

I'm sorry we all weren't in the mood today. I'm sorry we[or maybe I] wasn't celebrating your birthday right. I do miss you and all, but we just weren't in the right places today.

Happy Birthday Daddy. Here's a song for you. :D

Unforgettable - Nat King & Natalie Cole

Untitled

2009-01-02T23:56:00.006+08:00

I just can't think of any reason why you never fail to do what you do best. It may just be in your nature or maybe you're really the epitomy of 'piss-off'. You never fail to do that to me whenever you're around. YOU PISS ME OFF LIKE HELL. It's like every word that comes from your mouth boils me up inside, even when I'm not the one your talking to. Usually I wouldn't be pissed off IF i know that the things you say are right and just, but all that crap that comes from your mouth just doesn't pass as right OR just, not even close. It just makes you look like an over-confident bitch. You think you have every right to treat me[us] the way you do, BUT YOU DON'T. Nauna ka lang gumraduate but it doesn't mean your any smarter. God, even just your presence places me in the wrong mood. I can't wait to see you go back to wherever you belong.

[i'm not gonna make this post long. I might release words that are.. not supposed to be released.]

Its a NEW year, of course there'll be new things.

2009-01-02T00:09:00.009+08:00

Actually, there aren't really very many new things that happened on this first day of the year, just a few. Yet it felt like the best one yet. Haha. This ain't really a blog of new stuff for me, I just wanna share how my new year went. :D Read it if you care, if you don't then... don't. haha.

I've mentioned in my last post that I kinda felt 'emo' on the last day of the year because of certain stuff. Good thing the new year felt completely opposite. I kinda got over it that afternoon too, while preparing to go to my cousin's house to celebrate. [ang bilis diba? haha.]

When we got to my cousin's house. My spirits were sort of lifted when I saw a karaoke machine in front of the tv, turned on and ready to be OVERused. Haha. Of course I tried hard not to act very excited about it. LOL. We watched music videos first while eating, and after we, the young ones[haha], ate, we grabbed the mic, browsed the music notebook, and punched in numbers on the remote like we never did before. haha. We literally spent the whole night singing and shouting, though most of it was actually shouting. Imagine, four amateurs trying to belt out very lung-killing, throat-drying songs. It might not even make you laugh. hahaha. Songs like 'The Prayer', 'Alone', 'Through the Fire', were the NOISES that sent the bad spirits away from that house that night. haha. Tapos meron pa akong pa-'di ako iinom ng malamig na tubig, baka mawala boses ko' na style, kala mo naman kung may boses talaga akong dapat alagaan in the first place. haha. Anyway, it was all still very fun, it was still around 8-9pm when we started but there were already around 35 songs reserved on the list, and it just kept on going and going. We sang all those until midnight[we didn't even stop to shout and celebrate, we just increased the volume of the sound system get noisier. haha.] and it continued 'till around 1pm. We were still all game to sing some more but the parents insisted to go home na, so ayun, we had to end up our little 'noise barrage.' Yup, I'd rather call it that than a concert. haha. We lost no hope, because it was only temporary. I asked my cousin to bring the videoke machine to our house the next day. haha.

The next day was quite fast since it was all about preparation for the party to be held in the evening. I carried boxes of stuff, plants, tables, chairs, and soil sacks to help set the venue, our house. The party was supposed to be the blessing-slash-new year celebration-slash-Daddy's birthday celebration, that's why mejo efforted xa. haha. Basta I did a lot during the day and after the blessing at around 3pm, We took showers and dressed up, got ready for the party.

T'was a very great party specially because my friends got to come[namely July, Mon, Sir Jong. Yuri, asa na ka? tsk.] The food was great[para sakin, xmpre, kami2 rin nagluto eh! haha.], the people were party-ful[haha], and It was all fun, really. We loitered in my room, Sir Jong and Mon playing with my wood-stacking-thingy which i barely use, July was in charge of the documentation[haha], and me, doing what I can to keep them busy. haha. We drank wine, ate cheese, and just told stories and stuff. haha. They were here till around 10pm[?] then they had to go home. ETO NA. haha. During the party, my cousin took me with him to buy some drinks at the convenience store near Luzviminda, on the way back, he made me drive the car! Haha! [Sorry for the extreme happiness I might be showing, T'was my first time to drive on the highway. :P] I got quite nervous but I agreed to do it because I also wanted to! :D There weren't really much cars on the highway so I thought It would be ok. So ayun, when we got home, I was so psyched up to drive2 na. haha. So when July and the others asked to go home, I offered them a ride until sa may kanto Ma-a. I told them it was gonna be my first time to go out of the village with the van. Yet, they agreed to ride. haha. [Was that trust guys? or you really just needed to go na? haha!] So we went and took the risk. Haha. I drove, for the first time, sa highway ng Ma-a, and on the first day of the year pa diba? very memorable. haha. or corny lng jud ko. haha. We were laughing on the way to NCCC.. um actually, they were kind of laughing at me, haha. [kalokok kaau!] sige lang, na-accomplish ko man ang task. haha. I got them to NC, dropped them there, and went home.. ALIVE! haha. Yay, na-happy lng ako. Kasi I think It means na mejo kaya ko na siguro.. So give me my driver's license already! haha. :D Anyway, thanks for coming guys! :D

Anyway, that was how I spent my first day of the year. I got to do a new thing, driving outside the 'comfort' zone. haha. Im quite proud, noh? haha. sige lang gud. :D

So yun. THAT was how I spent my first day of the year. How bout yours? :D

Happy New Year. :D

On this last day of the year..

2008-12-31T13:43:00.002+08:00

I cried.

Its been 3 years. 3 HAPPY years.

I could say that I'm already used to it, that I'm already happy, and I've moved on. But it's always gonna be better if you were here. It'd be SO much better, in so many different ways. I would always want it to be different, if you were the difference. I would always want to be hearing your voice cheering when the clock strikes midnight. I would love to be sitting beside you, eating Ham, which you're not supposed to be eating because it's high in cholesterol. I would love to be hearing your corny jokes and laughing at them. I would love to hear you sing your heart out. I would love to see you dancing that weird dance you do. I would love to lie down on your tummy when I get tired after the party. Most of all, I would really want for you to just be there, with us, celebrating the new year. Celebrating because we still had a year together, and celebrating the hope that their will still be more years to come. I would love to spend more years with you, especially now that I'm entering the REAL life, and I know that you would really be one that could be there for me. We could have been "the guys" in this family, you know? God, I just want to be with you even for just one day. I would love to spend that day even just sitting with you. I love you so much, and I miss you. I really do. I love you daddy.

These children, I'm so happy for them, yet I can't help but wish too, that I could have the experiences they have. It would be the greatest christmas gift of my life.

a real tearjerker, huh?

Happy New Year Everyone.

A New Year's Resolution

2008-12-31T13:37:00.000+08:00

This will be sort of my new year's resolution. This blog will become part of my habit. I shall try my best to maintain this and make it my journal. It's very tiresome to write. I don't want to use that journal my sister gave me. This is better.

Welcome to my blog everyone. ;)